Parents: help me parenting while separated (2)

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Last night I went to a Halloween party.
It was the first time in two years I went to a night club. And all the times before this one always with my STBXW.
Since my teens I have always felt awkward at bars and discos.
Yesterday it was no different, except for one thing: I was more alert and aware of my feelings.
In fact, I went there to test myself but the results were no different.
I feel I don’t belong. I feel social inadequacy and anxiety. I feel uncomfortable from moment one. I feel social shame.
I don’t know where to put my hands, so I am always grabbing something, a beer, peanuts, whatever.
I don’t know what to do with my body. Friends ask me to dance and I refuse. When they drag me to the dance floor I start moving my body parts in a mechanical way since I cannot feel the music. I sense that everyone, especially women, has their eyes on me and this only worsens my embarrassment.
I feel relieved when they let me go.
I don’t talk to anyone I don’t know.
And then I start telling myself these stories of inadequacy that justify this internal resistance inside me (“Models – Attract Women Through Honesty”, by Marc Manson, has been quite revealing): “women only like men who can dance”, “I need to have something really amazing to say for a woman to talk to me”, “the music is too loud to talk to people”, “this beat is horrible and one cannot say it is really music, my classical music is what I like”, “my likings in music make me superior to all these people”.
And finally, I convince myself I don’t care.
And yet everybody is having fun except for me.