Hi, back from food shopping. We used to do it together. Now I do it alone to get it done and have more time for my interests during the day. I have no delusion that acts of service will solve my problems. What I hope is that from it I can find another piece of the puzzle.
I'm a hands on guy. I work the problem, evaluate and tweak the design, inspect the parts, make improvements and solve the problem. For the last 9 months besides working on myself all I could do is watch from the sidelines as my marriage imploded. I know this will not fix it but I need to do something. Making myself as independent as I can will never hurt me. If I do a few things for her along the way it gives me balance and the knowledge that I did the right thing for the mother of my children.
Its strange but that desire to do something usually gets us in trouble by trying to control things. However, it can be used to fix the M, just not in the way we always think. Fixing and improving things about ourselves is usually the best way to have a positive effect on those around us also and it seems you are on that path. Your also acting from a place of strength and love without trying to change her. Many people could and would just be an a-hole and walk away saying they deserve better(or demanding better) without really doing the work to change themselves first. I think that's the reason DB is worth the effort if actually done.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thanks Fogg, your post on your thread about distancing really struck a cord with me. I think I did some of that. I will reflect and let you know.
I love my wife with all my heart just the way she is, faults and all. I owe it to my wife and children to keep evolving and be the best husband/dad I can be. Adapting or changing is needed for growth to occur. I should have realized this a very long time ago. Better late then never. Be well my friend.
Not much going on here. I keep evaluating myself and looking for ways to improve myself. I am really into trying to be the best me I can be. I have so much work to do.
I am going to give my wife all the space she needs. When there is a time to step up, I will. I am more positive now then any time since this chapter began. I love my life and everyone in it.
Great post Mutatio. All you can do is stay positive. None of us know when things will change or if they even will. What we can know is how we live in this crazy world and even crazier experience we've been thrust into.
Loving life and all the good people around you sounds like a great plan.
Much respect to you.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I'm upbeat now, loving it but sometimes I'm down, although that is not as hard to deal with anymore. I will be alright. I have faith in myself that in any moment in the future I will make the best decision with the facts available. I am relieved by knowing that I'll do the best I can at any given time.
I been thinking. If my marriage fails and my wife wants to divorce me, I will have to move far away. Till my dying day I will love my wife regardless of what happens to my marriage. If I become divorced I do not ever want to see her again. I will have to see her at my three children's weddings when ever that would be but that's it. It is to painful to see her. It used to kill me when she went on a business trip, now a part of me is happy. The pain is strong when I see her and can't smile, talk, touch or connect with her.
I want to move to the Rocky Mountains, buy some land, build a house, get a dog, live in a high elevation alpine setting and create art.
Mutatio...I completely understand never wanting to see S again after D due to the pain. Even though it makes little sense, I deeply love my H. Even now, it hurts so much to look at him, talk to him, be anywhere around him. I told him when all this was over, I plan to be forever invisible to him. I just can't deal with it...maybe, I can, but the truth is, I don't want to. I want to somehow save him from his present course and have him love me again. I would give anything for that to happen...
I used to live in Colorado in the mountains. I loved it! One of the most beautiful places on this continent, but not without inconveniences. You often get snowed in for days. Sounds great, as long as you have no plans...or plenty of groceries.
I like the way you're dreaming. I believe you're making more mental and emotional progress.
Mutatio, I understand your thought process. It is so painful to have this silence. I had two major events in my life this week- and H doesn't even know because we aren't even friends. I am moving forward but the pain is so intense, even though it gets easier to live with it is not something I think will ever go away.
On the other hand, I am seeing very minor steps toward improvement. VERY minor, but moving in the right direction. Wishing progress for you too.
