Today was a rough one. The horror of what I'd just experienced finally sank in. One of the worst, most humiliating things that happened is probably something only the ladies could fully understand. I have a rather large "chest". I'm also extremely modest. It is an absolute must that I have a bra with underwires.
That little piece of wiring is a no-no in jail, so they took my bra away. The top I had to wear didn't provide much in the way of covering. I was paraded through the jail multiple times, handcuffed and unable to cover myself. I kept throwing up today every time I remembered all the unwanted attention and leers I was forced to endure by inmates and guards alike.
Out of all the awfulness, that leaves me feeling the most sick and violated. H tried to get me to argue with him today, and I resisted beautifully. But when he continued to state that I got off "Scott-free" for what I'd done, I remembered the 2 days in the mental center, 2 days in jail, and that God-awful violation...and nearly lost it. I didn't, thankfully, just excused myself to go throw up again.
I'm determined to get through this with grace and calm...but oh! Today was a rough one. Talked to some family members earlier, and feeling a bit better. Got H on audio again, with me continually asking him to stop pressuring me and please speak to L.
Thanks everyone, so much, for the encouragement and support. I would have lost my mind by now without you.
