Please read Cadet's initial post that had the link about boundaries. It explains it much better than I can. Wonka has given a ton of examples in how to state boundaries. And here is one post copied from Puppy, giving examples between boundaries and controlling.
Quote:
This is how I explain it to folks (this example was to a male betrayed spouse):
The best way I can answer is that if you make it about HER, they will come across as "demands" and being "controlling."
If you make them about YOU, and what YOU need, then they are "boundaries of personal integrity."
Example:
"I forbid you to see OM" = CONTROLLING
"I can't live in an open marriage" = BOUNDARY
"You need to check in with me every day, and give me your cellphone bill!" = CONTROLLING
"In order to feel safe in our reconciliation, considering your recent affair, I need to know that you're no longer talking or texting him by having the cellphone bill come to me for awhile" = BOUNDARY
"You can't talk to me that way!" = CONTROLLING
"I like ME too much to allow myself to be spoken to so disrespectfully. Please come back when you've calmed down, and we can talk further." = BOUNDARY
Make sense?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
