I think deep down they know it too. I think time is on your side, and eventually he will realize it. It sounds like he has to hit rock bottom first. You need to be in a position where you can take him or leave him. It has to be like this or it will never work. What are you doing right now to get in that position? What can you incorporate into your life so that you will have some other focus that adds to your beauty as a person? Volunteer work? A new job? A hobby? What will make you proud of yourself and what will make you look forward to waking up each day? Figure out a way to turn this horrible experience into one where you truly become the hero. you can never go wrong by doing good.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Well I finally did some GAL things. I joined a book club, it's with a few people from work so there was still a comfort safety net there, I sat with them, didn't really mix with anyone new. But it was very interesting. Also went on a wine tour to 4 local wineries (can't go wrong there) but again I had a safety net - it was with my sisters. I haven't done anything out on my own yet. But I did have fun at both those events.
I could use some wise advice from some of the pros here. Husband texted asking what would I think about trading places a couple of days. I have asked the kids and none of them want him here. Do I try to promote R between H and kids (which is what I was doing all year up until they walked in on him and OW) ? Or just tell H that the kids don't want him here? Ow already thinks I am sabatoging H relationship with the kids ( based on whatever he has said to her idk??) But then again I don't know why H wants to stay here. Is it just to do some packing to get more of his "stuff"? As he is moving into an apartment with her this weekend (which is a secret which nobody knows)
I haven't read your full sitch - but I think it would be reasonable to tell him you're not moving out of your home in order that he can move in for a couple of days. I'm not sure how old your kids are, but maybe suggest he contacts them if he wants to do something with him. It's up to them how they respond to him of course..
And as for OW and what she thinks about sabotaging R's.....well I think it may be her own behaviour that's doing that!!!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Just got back from a much needed girls weekend away with sisters. While I was away sons had some choice words (via texts) with H about OW - name calling , saying she and H have broken up the family. Boys tell H they think he is selfish etc etc. I then get accusatory text from H saying I have put a wedge between him and kids and have created insurmountable odds of him repairing his R with his children He the demanded that I have my L call his L. What's with that? Why can't his L just call mine? Anyway I have not replied to text and I don't think I will. This is the second text he has sent me like this.
I think the GAL stuff is really valuable. Just started venturing out myself. And I agree with Sotto. You should not have to burden yourself by moving out. To me, this is a pretty selfish request on his part. What's even more selfish is him blaming you for putting a wedge between him and his children. These are his actions and his consequences. They have nothing to do with you. what is he thinking???
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Jpeg, if it's any consolation, I get much of the same treatment from H. He's unable to face the fact it's his actions the kids are angry about; therefore, it must be my fault the kids are disgusted with him. H cannot recognise the truth - it goes against his selfish instincts. He's right. Anyone who doesn't agree is wrong. H is a victim at all times.
The kids are sick of it all. I feel so badly for them.
By the way, I wouldn't leave my house for H. He walked away. You don't owe him anything. I wouldn't trust my H unsupervised for one second. OW need not even think of coming near the house. Have her arrested for trespassing if she does, but make sure he knows she is unwelcome first.
You didn't drive a wedge between him and the kids. He did when he betrayed his family with a skank whore. You did nothing wrong and don't think for a second it's on you to repair anything between him and the kids. They're old enough to know a douche bag father when they see one. They're telling him the truth that he needs to hear.
