. I guess what I'm saying is if she starts talking about R I'm going to need to see some work/progress/commitment on her part. I'm going to need her to come along side me and do some work too. Does this make sense?
I think what you are wanting to see from her is a little effort. That's what my H needed to see in me.
When I made the decision to end my A, it was me deciding to do the right thing. That's all. I did not have any positive feelings toward my M. I did not feel love for my H. I did not want to work on my M. I, first, had to reach a point of being willing to be willing. I think my H became pretty discouraged b/c he couldn't see the internal work I was having to do. Not only did I have to deal with what I had done, and go through the withdrawals, but I had to forgive him for all that stuff I had resented about him.
I think your W needs a really good therapist to help her deal with past issues. So far, she's still making you out to be the bad guy while she's excusing her own unfaithfulness. With her track record of unforgiveness, it must be terribly discouraging for you to keep marching forward.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
