how about the kids, how much have you been doing with them?
8 & 11 are an awfully fun age for boys. There is an absolute ton of potential there for you to focus on...instead of on the wife.
The nice guy is a killer. YES. I am/was (working on it) one of the members of the club. this was and is so important to understand and eradicate from the behavior, period. Keep that as a primary focus too. This kills self esteem, no conflict, door mat behaviors, name it...it is prevalent. I am glad you are reading and working on this.
One thing, you said was fear of rejection...why? what was behind your fears there...this may be something to look at with IC. I know that looking at fear of rejection (not just sex, but other pieces) had caused me issues with public speaking, interaction with piers, etc. and worst...it quieted my voice when speaking up to wife.
Also, score keeping, have you read up on silent contracts and score keeping (a huge trait with nice guys - forming resentment). I would suggest you do some reading if you haven't.
