Slow and steady .. Only way to get through the fog

[Sotto]

Cali, I'm sorry to read this my friend. Wow, that's tough going. As you know, I have no experience in this area, but I'll offer a couple of comments if that helps.

My first one is about what is perceived as 'trying.' You've talked about MC not helping and Retrouvaille not helping - and so you feel your W isn't trying. She believes she is trying. So, I'm asking whether trying for her is the same as trying for you. I'm only asking because I read a post somewhere about how each partner felt they were trying - but weren't perceived as doing that by eachother. A bit like the LL's - we think we're doing our best, but it isn't hitting the mark.

My second one is all about speed, pressure and expectations. You've already commented that perhaps you guys moved back in together too quickly. Also, I can see that things like a fancy dinner - whilst a lovely plan for many - might be viewed as pressure by a MLCer, who is struggling forward with their own issues. And then expectations. When we put the words expectations, success and MLCer together in a sentence they don't fit well.

Do you think your expectations of what the M would become and how soon are realistic? It is evident that she is working through issues still, and I wonder if she just doesn't have the additional stuff (relationship homework etc..) to offer. Still a little too broken perhaps to sustain that other than in the short term? IDK..

I guess the big thing is whether this is just another big bend in a rocky road. I can see it must be hard when she says she isn't attracted to you. But the fact is people do hang on in there in the face of limited encouragement and things do sometimes come good. I do think she sounds as though she is trying in her way - but not giving you what you need at this point.

You get to decide Cali. Do you think if you guys agreed to put the R on the back burner for a bit and seek some IC support it might be helpful?

I hope someone with more wisdom than me comes along to support. Take care my friend xx