Back on these forums again 2

[Mona52]

PP, I might seriously try that. I have been walking, but I feel like i want to do more. I started smoking when I was 9, quit at 42, so exercise was just impossible. Now when I am out there walking, I get strong urges to push harder, feel the burn or whatever. I am losing weight, and I am happy to be losing weight, but I am not unhappy with my current weight or body shape. Yes, it could be better, so I get happy when it gets a little better.
So, to fill my craving, I may try a squat and see if my knees allow it. OMG, I am going to get down and have to call someone to help me up! OOOOO, Maybe it will be a handsome EMT!

Grlonfr, I have heard the same fears over and over on these boards, so you are not alone. I try to prove to myself through GAL activities that fearing the worst does not help. Then I prove to myself that if you follow the rules you get a desired outcome most of the time. Like, if I eat less than 2000 calories and try and exercise, I will lose weight.

The more of these 'follow the steps to get a result' activities that I do, and that sort of succeed, tricks my mind into believing that if i follow the DR steps, then my M will be saved. I just have to be real flexible with what I consider success.

For example, when my H was still at home, I wanted to move out so badly. I even drew one of those huge thermostats you see at fundraisers and taped it smack dab in the middle of my kitchen wall. Everyone in the house could see the goal at the top (buy a house) and how much money we needed to do that and how close we were. The thermostat never, ever was filled, but the dream was there. Now, I am about to move into my mom's house. No, I am not buying a house, like my goal asked for. But the end result that I wanted (to get out of the city) is being accomplished.

And my end goal of not spending the rest of my life alone because no one wants me will be fulfilled. I fervently pray that I hit that goal with the current H.

Hi Sotto,
You have hit the nail on the head with my current struggle. And an issue I have sometimes with this forum. This forum is a lifesaver, no doubt. I wish people who just wanted a better life would hang out here and try some 180's and learn to focus on GAL activities.

However, I think most people can get stuck on the last resort and no contact parts of MWD's books that it seems that is the only technique that gets any attention.

I have seen it work over and over again, and I am a true believer in both NC and TLR. I have also told people a million times to drop that rope, detach, detach, detach. It does not matter what WAS's think.

Detaching is more of the same for me. In the past year I have built a wall that he could not get through, not that he tried. He received no praise from me, because I really felt he did NOTHING. A week after he was kicked out, we were text message fighting and he stopped talking to me. I asked him why and he said he can't possibly win the blame game so he has nothing more to say. Then later on he said how nothing he does is ever good enough anyway.

In his eyes, he feels like I think he cant do anything right. That is why I want to thank him for picking up his D. I am hoping that by him getting some positive feedback, he will do more of what gets him praise.

If I am just kidding myself, and I really should NC him, please tell me. I would really like my M back, and if I have to change my way of thinking, I am willing.