I agree with Sotto and Azzork above. I'm in a similar boat except probably farther down the D road at this point (looks like it will be a done deal by end of year or Xmas possibly).
So I know it's difficult because even aside from the emotional part there's the routine of planning holidays with someone else and you each have your roles and things you traditionally do. Especially hard for me because I love traditions.
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And I still want to reconcile.
Just don't let that influence your decisions in a way that prevents you from detaching, etc. If you are kind, strong, and loving from a distance without being pursuing, needy, clingy then that still gives you your best shot.
I don't think her decision to reconcile or not will hinge on any single thing you do unless it's particularly negative.
