Becoming the Anchor, Part 4

[mustardseed]

My previous post was written after I just read the first page of this thread. I should have finished reading your thread before responding before.

Good for you getting things recorded. Honestly, having a lawyer is expensive, but it is worth the price for sanity. The first lawyer I had, had more of a tough love approach that made me feel hopeless--her response was just to tell me to stop interacting with him, which made me feel like I just had to allow myself to be mistreated, and cower in the corner. When the first OOP happened she reprimanded me for not following her advice. I felt like everything was my fault.

The new lawyer I have is kind and confident, and when I tell him things that are happening he is able to assure me it will be taken care of, which makes it easier for me to be patient and just let it happen. Having an L takes us off of the front lines. Before you were one person facing an army--a bunch of bullies. Now you are in the war room with a team that knows what they are doing. Who should be in that room with you? You, your lawyer, an IC--I highly recommend finding one (most will work with you on the cost), and whoever else you trust. Think of it that way, while he is wearing himself out on the battlefield you are patiently restrengthening while the professionals sort out the game plan.

In the meantime. Focus on you. It is perfectly normal to be sad. Jeez I cried every day for almost two years. Now I still cry, once a week perhaps. But I enjoy crying. Even when times are good I like to set aside a crying day once a month. Crying and singing are the best stress release tools IMHO. Open up those lungs and let it out. Then wash your face and get out and do something fun.

Speaking of which--what are you doing to GAL? Make a list of everything you always wanted to do, but didn't because H didn't want to, or because the kids needed you, or because you were afraid of spending money. This is where I started. And I started just getting out by myself. If you are nervous about going alone then check out meetup.com which has a lot of groups of local people with a variety of interests. People post outings and activities. I've done a few and enjoyed every one. I understand the financial worries. Right now leave that aside. In normal financial situations I am critical of the "buy now pay later", but this in an emergency situation. If you or a loved one had cancer would you let money worries hold you back from getting treatment? If your house was destroyed in a flood, would you let the house rot because you were afraid of taking out a loan to take steps to save it? Sandy taught me how to have perspective when it came to frivolous borrowing, and necessary borrowing. You are in a crisis. This is what those financial safety nets are for.

So right now--make a list of things you want to do. Even if they seem completely out of range right now. Make a list of things you enjoy. Picture your perfect date. Where, would you go, what would you do? Then ask yourself out on that date. Cry when you have to, but in between the tears become your own perfect companion.