Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

Actually, I took weeks since this board is so active and cut and pasted many of Sandi's posts going back to 2007, I believe. I posted a few from others as well. The hard part is having specific examples of what to do or not do in a given situation. I know there is the general "she fired you as her H, don't be available", etc. But I would think since waywards seem to be reading from a script there could be more "when they do this, you do that".

Also, each situation has some uniqueness. If you believe some other sources that state there are different types of affairs, like "my marriage made me do it" and the "exit affair", and get Sandi's take that a W in an A or EA is different than one who is just tired of you, then you have to examine your sitch and get in the mind of your spouse.

I feel like she could have left EA or no EA. Things have been degrading and there were unhealed hurts. I kept fighting for attention not realizing that my arguing and blaming were pushing her farther away. Then my best chances were those first 3 months, but I didn't know about DB. And I was a traumatized, scared, reactive mess.

With little things, I have to make the choice to be nice and try to connect or offer "tough love" and the choice isn't always clear. We share chores. So if she soaks the laundry and forgets to turn the washer back on, then texts me to nicely ask if I could please turn it on, do I say "sure" or, "sorry, you fired me as H and we are separated, remember?". There are a dozen little things like that every day that have me wondering and second guessing myself.

I am noting more of what works and doesn't work and pulling away more. Hard for me not to be my friendly, joking self. I have started to sort of live my life like I am single, minus the dating.