Sotto, I did not say anything. This was the first Monday in a long time that she didn't ask me to go out of my way. We met at the usual spot and had a little bit of decent interaction. Due to some plans on her end I have already gave her my word to swap this week around a little bit. She brought that up and I said that I remembered about it and was going to ask if that was still the plan. She has S4 5 of the next 6 days because of this, no problem, some day maybe I need a favor right?
XF then continued to tell me that she thinks she should get more time with him Sunday (I was supposed to get him Sunday lunchtime in the original plans because I'm losing all day Friday and half a day Saturday) so anyways in return for the favor I was getting Sunday afternoon so I had some time to spend with him. Her reason is that they will be so busy all week that she won't get quality time with him?!?! She wants to basically bring him to me at bedtime. I'll admit, that irritated me a bit. Here again I'm trying to cooperate and she is trying to take more. Her thought is that if he is at my house to sleep, I "had" Sunday? I started to try and explain that I'm already missing out and realized she was too interested in looking at her phone instead of listening so I just left...
This is just getting so damn frustrating. I try to accommodate her whenever I can and its never enough.
Last edited by Uphill; 10/26/1511:37 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
It's been a really funky day today, started out fine and now I seem to be bouncing back and forth between being ok with what is happening in my life then back to thoughts of XF and all our good times.
The thoughts of being ok with it, I think are coming from the fact that I am noticing more and more that I am getting looks. Nothing more but a look from an attractive female feels good.
The thoughts of XF are along the lines of m, obviously all the good memories, having my family back together (especially for S4) and the gut wrenching thought of her eventually being with somebody else.
None of these are hanging around long but it feels like a ping pong ball bouncing around my head. Constantly thought but they are all over the place...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Last night/ this morning it's seems as if XF's treatment of me is getting a little warmer again? (Stupid hot/ cold cycles). She was full of thanks for a few different things and a little more chatty. Actually called about S4 swap instead of the typical 2 word text "what time". I was in a bad mood yesterday, nothing to do with our situation, I hit a deer with my work truck and lost pretty much the whole day because of drug and alcohol tests for thier insurance. Anyways, I could tell I was being a little short, not mean just not a PMA. After noticing that I apologized and told her I just had a bad day. She asked what was wrong, I told her some bits and pieces of my day.
She immediately responded "oh my god, are you ok". Which I wrote off as being courteous. Talked a little more about S4 and she kept going back to "are you sure you're ok?". I must say it made me feel like deep down she does actually care about me yet?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Problem is there is a difference between care and love. My W cares for me a lot and shows it but I know it's not love. ILYBINILWY says it all.
Take care
Last edited by isittoolate; 10/28/1512:09 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Oh I know there's a difference, but some of the times it doesn't feel like she even cares...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Regarding co-parenting, it's important to be flexible. Could you have proposed something where you would get some additional time the following week with S if you allowed her to keep him Sunday?
The Sunday is supposed to be my extra time thorn... Then that is what she was trying to cut back on
I traded All day Friday and Saturday morning for Sunday from lunch on. So even at that I still lose but I was willing to do it.
Last edited by Uphill; 10/28/1501:51 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Tonight was another "good" one. Once again XF called instead of the short text. I cut the call short (maybe 3 minutes tops). I ended up taking S4 to her appartment because I got stuck in traffic and was running late. I walked in with the PMA of a NFL quarterback after throwing the winning touchdown pass. It seemed to help me not care at all what was said. I messed around with S4 for a few minutes and "had to get going". Overall I think I handled myself fairly well. A bit of small talk but nothing much.
I am thinking for whatever reason I'm gonna try to keep my PMA through the roof. Especially while XF is around to give something new a try? I don't want to overdo it but I feel as if right now she is in a hot/cold cycle stalemate. Possibly just "not care" and be extra happy, be the guy only a fool would leave!
I have known this is key, and have done a lot of thinking. I just don't think I was getting it right...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Just to clarify a little, I re read what I wrote and it's not quite what I meant. In the past I think I have been letting my "actual" mood show too much. It doesn't fill the room with good vibes by just wearing a fake smile.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Word of the day today is HAPPY. How to get there? What is it anymore? Can I get there?
I am at a point now that even if XF walked up to me and asked to work on things, I don't know if that would make me happy. It would be great to be a family again. I think S4 would be ecstatic. But I think I would be blah... Would I give it a go? Yeah, most likely. But it would take lots of time and patience. Lots of forgiveness and honesty. I would need to hear and see all the right things to even consider it. My outlook on it is that if it were to happen now it would have "hidden agendas". Holidays coming up, heating season, her car needs tires. All the things that cost lots of money happen this time of the year.
I'm just 100% torn right now if my original reason for being here is still the same reason I'm here now? I feel like this is a place to vent, more than look for answers as I saw it in the past. A place to get great advice on how to handle co-parenting. A place I can sit and type my thoughts without the fear of being judged or the fear of breaking down mid sentance. (You can't see me haha I can stop and start after dabbing tears and nobody knows!).
It feels like a sort of crossroad maybe? Like I have a few ways I can continue but I'm not sure which road I should take. Would I love to have XF and S4 in my home, take care of them and love them with everything I have? Of course! BUT, I have been a mental wreck since febuary and I almost feel like that ship has sailed.
Who knows where life takes me. Today is just another day, tomorrow is too. Make the best of them and see what the big man upstairs has in store for me!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
