Picked up the boys. W was back to being less personable, and more businesslike. She told me that she has been under the weather. I was hoping for more in the positive direction, but I was not crushed and haven't let it ruin my night. Boys are cuddly. Feels nice.
Still have hope, and expectations are higher than I want, but I seem to be coping better with it. Maybe I have appeared too eager? I'm not sure. Trying to maintain pma. I am living more as if I will be fine with or without her. I feel more like me, more so than in years. I forgot how nice it was to just be myself. Feels good and more people are talking to me at work, so apparently it shows.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Yeah, D! Maybe you've leveled out a bit? From what others are telling me, it's normal to be pretty torn up at first, then gradually do better and better, with sad days still there but further apart. That's truly comforting to me. I've basically been thrown right back to BD, so I've fallen behind you in many ways. It's wonderful to read about your successes.
Still have hope, and expectations are higher than I want, but I seem to be coping better with it. Maybe I have appeared too eager? I'm not sure. Trying to maintain pma. I am living more as if I will be fine with or without her. I feel more like me, more so than in years. I forgot how nice it was to just be myself. Feels good and more people are talking to me at work, so apparently it shows.
I know why you're on this board dday, I'm here for the same reason - to bust my D. What you wrote above though is gold. It is if you step back and think about it. Neither of us know what's going to happen with our M's. Both of our W's filed so maybe you and I will be getting the ax on the same weekend. Not to be negative.
But, if there are a lot of guys facing our situation right now. And no one at work wants to talk to them. And they hate themselves. And they hate their W's. And they hate the world. And they can't stand to be by themselves. Or not be drunk. Or doped up. Or sleeping around.
There are victories and there is the one victory we're all after. Either way, we're coming out victorious.
Keep up the great work.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks for the support PP. You are right. Fixing ourselves and bettering ourselves are #1. No matter what our Ws decide to do. I think mine is very confused, and depressed, and I was an easy target. I did my share of screwing up, but nothing that isn't repairable. W even admits that.
Anyway, becoming someone only a fool would leave. That's the goal. And if W is a fool, so be it. She will have to live with that decision. I have came to realize that she must have been hurting a lot, if she is willing to do this to her kids. But I don't understand why she wants to talk to me and sit by me if I made her that miserable.
I know that I am becoming a better me through this pain. I hope that helps to reunite my family, but if not, I know that I have done my best. I will not be alone forever... no matter what W does
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Work went well yesterday. Actually accomplished some things.
Today is my friday! Boys and I will have a movie night tonight.
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Still unsure as to what I should do about the Halloween thing. I don't want to be strung along, I definately don't want to do that to the boys. She is the one who said she felt like we were living a lie as a happy family, why try to act it now when we definately aren't.
Is it being mean to the kids if I don't go? Should I suck it up and just go? I would like to, they are my kids... and my friends that will be there too.
S6 turns 7 next month too. Not sure how that will go. Do I have a seperate party? I haven't seen any of the inlaws since she filed and I am not sure how that would be. Me being an outcast in my own home.
Complicated, to say the least
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
D - My first thought was no. Do not go. She wants to be single, but has no difficulty playing the part of happy family when she doesn't want to stand out in her chosen role. That is so unfair, it makes me irritated on your behalf.
On the other hand...the kids. Dad being around for Halloween would be huge for them! So I would say go. Do not let her act like you're a couple, though. Be friendly, but keep some distance. Focus on your boys and your friends and you should be okay.
I would talk to her about the birthday so you get some idea what she's planning. Your boys are so young, I hate to think of them having two separate parties. That would just drive home the situation for them on what should be a fun occasion. Find out her thoughts before we start working on that.
Thanks Ancaire. W just ignores the kids when they make any comments of us being a family again, or something similar. Not sure what to do.
I have been avoiding talking about it at all, no r talks. I guess I need to, because she is not bringing up anything. It's like she jumped to filing, and then hasn't done anything since. Keeping us all in limbo. I don't want to hurt the boys if she is reconsidering. But, they should have some idea of the future too.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Dday - So are you guys going to do thanksgiving together? Christmas? Fourth of July next year? Halloween 2020?
You guys aren't going to do holidays together. Frankly, I think it's less confusing if you break now. Plus there's the added benefit of you not going to be strung along.
Az, that is kinda how I was leaning. I want to be there with them. W included. But if she doesn't want to be with me, then why keep doing this to all of us.
I don't know if W not telling the kids is because she is unsure, or because she is just avoiding the consequences of what she is doing.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
