I feel like the stuff in blue is both of us. Sometimes she takes our family out and sometimes I do. It's not just me doing it. I guess the bold would mean not to go out of my way, bring her lunch at work with my son. Going out of my way stuff
I feel like the stuff in blue is both of us. Sometimes she takes our family out and sometimes I do. It's not just me doing it. I guess the bold would mean not to go out of my way, bring her lunch at work with my son. Going out of my way stuff
My point was that doing the stuff in blue can be done regardless of your state of detachment.
Another question so when she comes over on the weekends since she lives in the barracks she has been sleeping here to be her when my son wakes. We have been spending this time together having drinks watching shows and talking. Should I pull myself away from doing that with her?
Okay so us spending time with our kid together is fine and I can still detach?
Yes and no.
Heres a good example: S and I are going to the park for a while. Do you want to come with us?
Heres a bad example: Do you think we should go to the zoo tomorrow all together?
See, in the first one, you have plans with your S and they arent depending on her joining. In the second, you are building your plans around her. Dont use your child as an excuse to spend time with HER.
Another question so when she comes over on the weekends since she lives in the barracks she has been sleeping here to be her when my son wakes. We have been spending this time together having drinks watching shows and talking. Should I pull myself away from doing that with her?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Dont follow her around grasping at every opportunity to see her. Sometimes, make plans to go out with a friend when you know she will be at your place.
The key to both of these questions is that you dont want to focus your life around her. Let her be a part of the fringes of your life. Live your own life with or without her.
The first two months of our separation were bad on both our parts and I did all the things I shouldn't. The last month since I have been GAL and improving myself she has been coming around more, opening up more and we are enjoying our time with our family. I am not being pushy or talking about us. Just other things I read is all about improving the communication and rebuilding the attraction. Just felt like she may have been rebuilding that too.
I def don't want to be in the friend zone but at the same time I don't want to go back to my "old ways" which is being distant and angry and ignoring her.
from your last statment it seems you answered your own question. first 2 months bad results, third you started semi DB and better results. keep with what works. the timeline you want this to work in needs to be thrown away. AZ is giving great advice really comprehend it.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
[quote=Amel502] Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Dont follow her around grasping at every opportunity to see her. Sometimes, make plans to go out with a friend when you know she will be at your place.
The key to both of these questions is that you dont want to focus your life around her. Let her be a part of the fringes of your life. Live your own life with or without her.
Make sense?
It does make sense. My initial confusion was about the tough love and detaching.
