Okay so us spending time with our kid together is fine and I can still detach?
Yes and no.
Heres a good example: S and I are going to the park for a while. Do you want to come with us?
Heres a bad example: Do you think we should go to the zoo tomorrow all together?
See, in the first one, you have plans with your S and they arent depending on her joining. In the second, you are building your plans around her. Dont use your child as an excuse to spend time with HER.