Sorry I missed your post, until today. I wrote a really long post, and then lost it. I was trying to answer some questions you had asked. Basically, I was telling you that she's not the person you married. She's changed. She's wayward, and you can't use the same techniques you would use if she was just an unhappy or depressed wife. You can't treat her as your loving and faithful wife....b/c she's not. She's a different creature, now. So far, you are still thinking of her as the girl you M. You have to be tougher, b/c a WW is tough. She leans from consequences and loss.
Your WW has had very little reality to hit her. She has continued her EA, and what has she experienced as any consequences to that A? Yes, you are in-house S (which really isn't S at all), but didn't you agree only b/c of the other options?
She's contacted her OM and it must have been promising, to her, b/c now she's ready to go forward with everything. Wasn't long ago that she was trying to stall. Almost everything in the MR can be measured as to how things are going in her A. I can almost promise you that if she was dumped tonight by OM she'd change her mind, radically, about going forward.
Two things a WW will use the most often in manipulating her H. That is guilting him or accusing him of controlling her. Whatever works to cause him to relent to doing things her way....she'll do it.
I have yet to see the first story where an in-house separation has successfully worked in saving a MR, when a wayward spouse was involved. At best, the couple resides in limbo throughout the M. I believe it's b/c they don't know the ground rules (or should I say, "house rules"). They can't act as though they are truly separated b/c they aren't. That.....and the fact the H puts up with her b.s. far too long. That's the one way a WW gets everything she wants.....the way she wants it. The comforts of home, a working H, financial security, family benefits, on and on the list goes. She has all the advantages of M, without the disadvantages.
I'm really sorry this has happened to your family. I believe you still have time to turn things around, but in order to do it...you must change the dynamics.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I was trying to answer some questions you had asked. Basically, I was telling you that she's not the person you married. She's changed. She's wayward, and you can't use the same techniques you would use if she was just an unhappy or depressed wife. You can't treat her as your loving and faithful wife....b/c she's not. She's a different creature, now. So far, you are still thinking of her as the girl you M. You have to be tougher, b/c a WW is tough. She leans from consequences and loss. 
