It sounds like you two have the communication aspect down, and that you are both pretty scared. She is scared of getting back together with you and having great sex for a couple of weeks/months and then everything sliding back downhill to where she was before. You are scared of her not giving you a chance to prove you have changed.
I hope your conversation with her (sorry I called it a confrontation - I lack vocabulary skills while breastfeeding) goes well for both of you.
One more idea I had - this is the romantic-wifey part of me talking - is what if you suggested a completely fresh start. Maybe a vow renewal, and a 2nd honeymoon. It could be with family and friends, or maybe just the two of you, but it would be like a new wedding date that you would celebrate as your anniversary from that time on. You could bury those first few painful years behind you (maybe even include that in the vows), and have a new date from which to start a brand new life together.
Plus, it sounds kinda romantic, doesn't it? Heck, you could even play it up with a proposal on bent knee and everything. Man, I would eat that up if I was her! You could even say you don't want to ML with her until after the "wedding" so you would have just this awesomely romantic wedding night. She'd jump you for sure right there and then.
(Oh, I am making myself swoon here. Somebody send my husband this message in an e-mail, please.)
