W told me two days ago when I confronted her and asked outright if she was having an EA/PA, that her texts and phone calls were to a guy called XXX . He is known in our circles and has a D in our S8 school . He has a long term partner for 15 years and is Bi-polar.
He is a really nice guy with a heart of gold and is known for this amongst the local community. He is chatty and funny to talk to.
He has become in W's words 'one of her best friends' over the last 6 months. I remember a few months ago her mentioning she was meeting him for coffee but thought nothing more of it.
W is flirty with other men and is in her words ' flirty by nature' and in the past has wished I was more flirty.
Two days ago I said her friendship with him could continue and she has continued to text and have phone convos with him - but in my presence. I said I would prefer she didnt hide it away.
She hasn't mentioned our martial problems to him.
I think since BD she has called and texted him more as a 'neutral' escape from the pressure at home. Im not stupid and know it is a defacto EA - whether she confides in him or not. SHe is using him emotionally (flirting. laughing etc).
I doubt it would ever lead to a PA - its a bit like having a 'gay' boyfriend as an EA.
Two days ago we agreed that neither of us would seek a PA and I gave her 'permission' to still speak to this guy and it didnt seem inappropriate. The length and extent of there EA has shocked me a little, but considering her distancing over the last 6 months its no real surprise.
There is no point in telling her to end it as it will just drive it underground.
Last edited by isittoolate; 10/28/1505:36 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
