ok, So i know and we all do for that matter what you are going through right now. I know the constant mind scrambling looking for the answer etc.. I know you have checked your thread a thousand times waiting for a response or some new light that will get you back to where you want to be.
Sorry
That will not happen. You need to open your ears and eyes to what you have read in the first few responses. this did not happen overnight and will not be fixed that way either. This took me a long time to realize.
Get the book and read it cover to cover. Divorce Remedy. I thought a hundred times there was a camera somewhere ready to pop out as my life is written in this book. Mind blowing.
Your W and marriage, you need to leave them alone right now. Right now!
read the book, address any short comings you may find in yourself. really sit back and look at what maybe your wife said to you about yourself and determine if they are valid. Look at yourself and decide if you are the person you wanted to be. Fix what you can, not because you think she will come running back, but because you owe it to yourself and your kids.
Move forward with your life. Not move on. I just learned the difference here and it made a light bulb go off in my head. I am moving forward in life, i will do all things i should and need to do. I am not out looking for another relationship or woman. someday i might do that and Move On but right now i am moving forward. Who knows maybe someday i will move forward or move on with my W.
Stop spinning about what she is doing. you can not control what she does, what she feels, what she says, or doesnt do in any of those areas as well. Know who you can control? you guessed it.
There are some really smart and insightful people here. Way more than me. I do not think i realized this until i finally starting really detatching and lett ing W go. This is not something i actually did either, it just started happeneing. read up on it but do not stress if you feel you are struggling with it because i believe you are supposed to.
anyway, get the book read and read then come back with questions.
best of luck
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I'm just confused on the detachment part. Seems like we been reconnecting and enjoying each other's company. Do I cut her off even though we are getting along?
DBing detachment is more about your attitude. If you will read those links Cadet sent you, it will help answer several questions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think detachment is focusing on myself and not doing things for her. But on the weekends around our son we been taking turns buying food, going out to eat watching movies together. She talks to me about work and it seems we enjoy each other. I just don't know how to act since its been confirmed she has been cheating. Am I a doormat if I don't react and keep being nice?
I read all those posts thouroghly but am still confused. While some say be nice listen etc others say tough love is needed and don't give them advice etc. Sorry I'm new to this and just searching for answers
Amel I wish there was a simple answer, but there is not. every sitaution is different.
If you are bending over backwards for her, stop. Doesnt mean you can not be cordial and still nice, but dont go out of your way for her.
If she is an A then yes tough love in certain areas may be needed. She has replaced you so you can not let her have the best of both worlds.
I hope some of that made sense. It does seem you are looking for a concrete way to act or behave. at this point i am not sure there is. I know there is no exact way to act to win her back. Follow the advice on the book first. The follow the 37 rules and the valiadation thread. great starting points.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
one more thing...I know the answers you are getting may not be what you are looking for and you may say I have heard that already but not what i am asking....been there with that...you will come full circle on this i promise these are the answers.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I am going to pick up the book today. I will not go out of my way but will reamim supportive and cordial so her relationship with our son stays strong. I have read another book and have been practicing detaching with love. Agreeing and being supportive. It seems to have a positive effect for everyone involved.
I think detachment is focusing on myself and not doing things for her. But on the weekends around our son we been taking turns buying food, going out to eat watching movies together. She talks to me about work and it seems we enjoy each other. I just don't know how to act since its been confirmed she has been cheating. Am I a doormat if I don't react and keep being nice?
So in your mind, how does the stuff in blue contradict the stuff in bold?
