Sandi, She has been pursuing me. How do I know when to trust it? I guess this is a hard question to answer since every person and every sitch is different. I'm going to be guarded. Not trust her and be careful. Not loving but not unloving. Any other tips would be great. Anything I could look for that would show she's being genuine.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Agree with Bond. You're looking for signs of a turnaround that I don't think is there. Just relax, and take one step at a time. Listen to her. Figure out how to work out an arrangement to spend time with your kids. It's all speculation until you hear what she has to say.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
I am giving too much weight to what she has said and the small things she's done over the last couple weeks. She is still talking to her first A, She's only not talking to her 2nd A because he said he won't talk to her until the D and I have reason to believe she has started another A. She didn't come home again last night. There have been several crumbs over the last couple weeks but not pursuit.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
W just sent a text "hope you're having a good day. I'm looking forward to our conversations tomorrow. What time will work for you?"
Not worrying about it but definitely running scenario's through my inner dialog. I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Lost you a bit there with the name change. Don't get worked up and giddy over the "talk" that is coming. You play poker but I'm telling you your tells.. And you know how bad that can be when you are not sure of your hand right??
Thing is... Talk is just talk... What's our phrase?? "Believe non of what they say and only 50% of what they do" ... You have time to prepare yourself here ... I suggest you get yourself ready to be quick on your toes because I'll bet your W has an idea of how to control and manipulate this convo to get you back where she wants you.
Bottom line, you should be ready to DB ... Re-read the 37...If she throws you a curve nothing wrong with a " I think I need some time to think about this" ... Do so and get back to her later ... On your terms. If she wants to work in the M, then you will have to have some reassurances and expect her to have some too... Get your non-negotiable list ready
G Sending some positive thoughts your way. Please just go read the 37 and the validation phrases. Don't focus on what she might say. Focus on those two things. Listen carefully. Count to 10 before you respond t anything and ask yourself will what I am saying break the 37 or can I validate. Then talk. Keep us posted.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Thanks for the reminders guys. I will definitely spend time tomorrow reading over the rules. I also have a DB coaching session tomorrow prior to the talk so perfect timing.
I also know she is meeting with a lady from our church tomorrow who has offered to help and has told her she is only interested in saving our M. WW asked her to meet. Positive steps but we'll see what she has to say tomorrow night.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
My wife and I have been separated for 3 months now. I kicked her out when I found out she had been abusing cold mediciene and that she was possibly losing her career. Bad move but it happened. She began to text her boss the day after she left home. I confronted them about it and she denied and got really upset that I would accuse them.
The first couple months of our seperation I felt she was distant from our 18 month old son and she would always work later and later. I fought a lot with her over this because all I could think is she is with this guy.
The last month of our seperation I toned it down and focused on building a positive relationship with her. On the weekends she began to stay all day with my son and we would hang out all day. We went to aquariums together dinner all the things a family does together. At night my son would go to sleep and she began to stay all night watching movies then would sleep on the couch. I felt we were reconnecting. A few days ago I came across text between her and her boss and after confrontimg her she admitted they had been seeing each other and sleeping together since a month after she left. I was obviously upset and she kept wanting to talk bc she felt bad and didn't want to hurt me. We talked but it seems like she likes this guy and thinks they have a future later on. When her life is not so complicated. She works with him everyday also.
I just want guidance. It seemed when I started self improving, communicating, and not pressuring her about anything we began to bond again and enjoy our time both with and without our son. But her actions tell me that she moved on.
Is it time for me to cut this off once and for all? Is it too late to save my family?
