Still working on remaining strong, loving my wife from a distance, and occupying myself to keep my mind off of things. These thoughts of her saying I miss you's and I am thinking of you's to this OM, when they just met are really getting to me. I am just trying to keep my mind busy at this point, and remember to forgive and let it go.
Azzork, my goals aren't going to well to be honest. I need to double down and refocus. I have slowed down on the drinking but the business, I haven't really sat and started. The detaching as you can tell is a process which is difficult and I tend to have backpedaled; so working myself up again.
I am trying to tear down that pedestal. I know there were reasons I myself was unhappy in the relationship, but it seems that all I can focus on are the good times with my wife.
Feeling very heart heavy this morning. I just can't seem to let it go. I don't know why I just can't stop thinking about it all. Part of my gets angry at myself for sulking, and playing the victim. When is it enough? When is it that I can finally move forward and not take her things personally. I dislike the fact that I keep thinking about what she is doing, is she talking to him, what are they going to be doing together. It is crazy, the amount of time that I am giving this. Working on it, simple concept to accept things as they are, and to not take it personally, but not easy to implement.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Don't beat your self up for not being able to let go as much as you would like. I have been battling through this sitch for almost a year now and I still have a hard time letting go. W tells me at least once a week that there is no hope for our M. That always sends me into trying to talk her out of her decision. I don't have a lot of advise but I do completely understand the pain and heavy heart. I also get mad at myself for hanging on her every move. Her family tells me I have no choice but to continue to love her through this. Its just so emotionally draining and every time I think im reaching a point of acceptance something happens and puts me right back at square one.
The things I am learning on this site make perfect sense and it doesn't seem that the rules would be hard to follow but they are. Keep your head up and try to focus on yourself.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
You said "When is it enough? When is it that I can finally move forward and not take her things personally."
The turtle wins the race EM. You will be ready when you are, remember a watched pot never seems to boil. Find some interest to distract you. The distraction will help with the healing process.
Your a good man, just add patience and time and you will become the man you want to be.
Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your experiences with me. Yes, it is hard. I can't stop thinking of her as my wife, and therefore her actions are hurting me. The reality of how we have gone from talking everyday, all day, to know not even hearing from her some days to brief interactions another, [censored]
I do need to find some activity to keep me busy and hopefully allows my mind to just focus at the task at hand.
ILYNOT, thank you for checking up on me. I am holding up ok, remaining strong. I am not going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me weak anymore. Working on forgiveness, self-discovery, self-love, respect, care, acceptance. Detachment.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Such a mixed bag of feelings. I am getting tired of feeling this way. I know that there is so much more to look forward to. I know that I am unique, and I'm so much more than how I feel at this moment.
I miss my wife, and being with my family. I also need to remember that there is life after all of this, that I know I can make it with or without her. To accept the new reality of my life. I deserve to be treated well, to be loved, but more importantly I need to love myself, and accept myself.
I need to find that focal point, that will turn things around for me. I have dived deeper into personal development, and an exploration of the self. I have always felt as if there has been something missing in my life. Something that has not allowed me to fully connect with my significant other, or even any other intimate relationships in my past. I am working on figuring that out, in looking inside and really figuring out who I am.
I am trying to shift my focus from my wife to me, to my kids, to what I can accomplish during this time. I just really dislike feeling this way (and I know I am not alone). So much work to elevate your mood every morning.
Good morning Emmess, there is life with Joy after the storm, it is stated in the BIBLE.
This is the hardest stage we find ourselves in, acceptance. From all of this havoc we are constantly learning, growing, becoming better people, better partners, better Fathers.
Keep doing YOU, keep doing what your doing, you are heading in the right direction brother, I know youre probably confused but keep asking GOD in prayer for an answer for guidance, he is with us.
Keep thinking positive, keep being an awesome dad, keep learning.
I truly value who you are as a person and how much you have changed since you have been here, even though I don't know you personally, I know you are great person and deserve a great partner. Don't fear.
ILYNOT, I know what you mean, I feel the same way about you. You have truly come a long way, and I value you and your advice very much.
This time hasn't been easy for any of us, the stages we go through while grieving isn't easy, but so when they start stepping out because they feel "done", sure adds the frosting to the cake. I decided not to focus on the negativity as it attracts more of it. I am working on my PMA even more so, but also just putting the law of attraction into practice.
God (The Universe, Infinite Wisdom) is all around us and always listening, praying and meditating on the positive, on the life we want to lead, experience, and desire. Lets keep our spirits up. God bless brother.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Started practicing "The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod"; great practice. I find myself working hard on staying positive. The practice consists of the following:
* Silence (Meditation) * Affirmations * Visualization * Exercise (I hit the gym, so I use this time, to do push-ups, etc. I want to add Yoga during this time) * Reading * Journaling
I am also working on putting the "Law of Attraction" to use. I need to start bringing more positivity in my life.
I am nowhere near being ok with everything. Everyday I still feel this underlying feeling of anxiety, and sadness. Thoughts of my wife come in and out of my head. Thoughts of her talking to OM, and her finding him better than me. So many things to work on. I was always a confident man, and now I am here comparing myself to someone else, and I guess that builds feelings of shame, and guilt. I have always been critical of myself. I am still working on forgiving myself and forgiving her.
I have been reading this book called "You are a BadAss by Jen Sincero" would highly recommend it. Has helped me with finding my greatness and awesome life....lol.
I know great things are coming into my life, I am asking for them everyday, feeling them in my life. Shifting my mind into one of abundance and gratitude. Life is good, and every moment and opportunity to learn and grow. As long as we can let go, and not allow things to fester till they become poison in our hearts and souls. I ask God everyday to help me overcome this, to heal me, to guide me.
God Bless you all.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
