You're right! My kid loves this song and this has been my theme song for the past few months.
Originally Posted By: Blugirl
If I were being honest, in some aspects, my husband is incredibly selfish, in others he is very generous.
I suppose this is what makes you want to try working on the M. Would you at some level feel that his generosity makes up for his shortcomings?
Originally Posted By: Blugirl
My husband has said he is sorry. But often times I feel like I get responses like, "I hate myself for what I've done" and "I feel very ashamed". i am a very compassionate person, but I feel like that these kind of statements are said so that I feel the urge to console him, not the other way around.
Do you feel like he's manipulating you? I think that it would take a lot of him to get to the stage where he admits that he's sorry and that he feels ashamed. My guess is that he does mean what he says, but at the same time, he wants some sort of assurance from you. I think that wayward spouses do feel shame and pain because my X has admitted that he has been feeling down since the D. Do you feel like he's trying to get you to whitewash everything by making you feel bad for him?
Originally Posted By: Blugirl
I even thought well, maybe I am not listening. So the last couple of interactions I have tried to listen, acknowledge, validate and even sometimes apologize. And then I think okay, maybe this is what I will get back. But it never happens. When I tried to discuss it this morning his response was, "maybe I am just human, and humans make mistakes, and maybe that's what you need to understand". Again, his solution is usually that I need to change me or he just throws the problem right back in my lap.
It seems that both of you are not getting through to each other. Maybe you could try reading When sorry isn't enough? Many times, our way of saying sorry is very different from another's way of saying sorry. For some, the expression of regret and the acknowledgement of hurt is key. For others, they may require the promise that it will not happen again. etc etc.
It will be a tough journey ahead, so be easy on yourself.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
