Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

Saw my IC today. Great session. I brought lots of notes. She was right on point getting me to see a few things, like where detaching needs to be for me and to see if going with my core beliefs was more going with trying to rebuild connection or going scorched earth Turns out that detaching can still be loving. I shifted my goals just a bit to honor myself and while still buildingn a connection, I will detach more and not interact with her unless she interacts first. I will enforce my boundaries. And my other goal is actually to respect her boundaries give her the space to figure some things out for herself. I think sometimes the best thing you can do is to get out of their way so that they quit focusing on you and have to look at themselves in the mirror. If I see her as a hurt little girl, I wouldn't go grab her and try to pick her up. I would squat down to reduce my stature, maintain a distance, speak softly and be reassuring.

Sometimes just creating a different image in your head of how you see someone and their actions can give you a calm attitude that allows you to just back away and observe. "She isn't trying to hurt ME, she is trying to protect HERSELF", "She isn't angry, she is hurt and afraid". "She doesn't feel safe and I can give her the space to be able to relax without me there to pressure her".

Still working on the detaching thing and basically spent the entire evening out doing what I wanted to do, including a men's night after IC. She was asleep when I got back. Tomorrow when we both work from home together, I will have as little interaction with her as possible other than if we cross paths to say hello. She can eat lunch alone. I will get my work done and let her see by action I am confident and productive