I too was certain 100-200 posts tops and I would have my marriage back and would have been outta here.... A lot to be said with that mind set along with setting any timelines which I STILL struggle with , though I've been better
The fixer thing is an issue, one I had to conquer... "My dads a television repairman, I can fix it" http://youtu.be/A5cneCgNA9U. I llooked at it from above, was I really fixing? No... It was me regaining some semblance of control back with fear being the motivator... This really was masked pursuing but I like you would use kids, my character, morals as the "reason" I fixed..... This hampered detachment ... Severely.
I had a eureka moment, was teaching S to ride his bike... He could not learn to balance and go alone until I took the training wheels off and gave him a push... He needed to ride alone to build his confidence just as I did... And just as my W did.... No lessons for either of us if we held on to each other.... I learned when she let me go what was really important to me.... Took me doing the same for her to realize the song was over.
Focus on the kids... Practice patience with them... As I learned , little is more attractive than a strong man who is an excellent father. Stop doing things for her, to get a reaction from her, be your own man... You'll be better off for it
