Where to begin? Part 2

[MrBond]

"The thing is my W is sort of different, I guess. I keep going back to her past (including childhood) and the affect it has on her thought processes today. One of her biggest things she has said is that I should have known things and never needed her to say it."

I don't think you read the books carefully. This is just the way M is. Spouses get close and assume that the other should know what the other is thinking. It's called mindreading. What it really is, is a lack of communication.

"Also, she is pretty skittish when about the heart and seems to run when things get bad."

If you haven't noticed, all of the WASs on here are like that.

"That leads me to say what I did about going all out. I have been practicing Sandi's 37 pretty faithfully, although I do slip once in a while."

You do know those aren't Sandi's rules right? They are in the book.

"I think that if I go too far and really quit showing interest, then she (in her mind) may think I have quit or just don't want her or whatever, therefore pushing the "leave" button even more. Although that may be all in my mind..."

Again, I question if you really read the books because that's not what DBing is all about. DBing is to do more of what works and less of what doesn't. You can't control her actions or what she's going to do. You're doing that out of fear. Instead, do something and see how she reacts. If she reacts favorably, then do more of that. If she doesn't like what you do, then do less of that.

"I guess in reality I am just scared to go to any extreme because - in her mind- it may push her even further down that road. She has said numerous times that she sometimes perceives things wrong but her mind sticks with it, if that makes sense."

I don't know why you think you need to go to extremes. Make small changes and moves here and there so she doesn't even notice them. Eventually those things will become habit.