Do you see how on the one hand there is the pull of that, yet with the loss of trust and affection that she could be thinking, oh that's nice but I don't feel the spark? Then there is fear of whether she can trust, whether she loveable, whether she can handle the pain of taking a step back only to have you revert to the old you.
Been thinking about this question As, it was clarifying for me.
Today I had the thought about it that has helped me see things from her perspective. I thought about what life would be like if I walked around randomly throwing punches in the air, no matter who's fault it was that I did this, be it mine from past conditioning, mine from addiction, hers, God's, no ones, - and from this she got punched a lot. (this is a metaphor btw, I'm not a hitter)
Then if 9 months later I told her I had solved my punching problem, hadn't hit anything months, had gotten my arm examined, determined the root of my punching problem, and even had steps in place to make sure I wouldn't ever punch again - my W would still have sore spots on her body, injuries even that hadn't healed.
She would also have the painful memories of walking into punches and could say to herself, "The only way to not get punched again is to just be on my own or with someone that can't punch."
This has made me understand things from her perspective a lot better and understand her desire to not come rushing back in no matter how she may feel about me as a person.
Hopefully this helps others with WAS's.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
