I'm so happy to learn this sadness is normal! I do take medication, and have for years, but it's not a cure-all, nor should it be. Since I have major depressive disorder, it worries me when I feel any extreme emotion, and this sadness is pretty extreme. I need to check what is "normal" sometimes just to know if I'm okay or if I should be concerned.
More crying today, but it was a direct result of having to go back over the night of my breakdown with the insurance investigator. How fun it was to explain I don't remember much. About 1/2 hour after that, H felt compelled to heap more bitterness and blame on me. So, yeah....lots of crying today. I noticed my pillow has been soaked the last 3 mornings, so I'm crying in my sleep, too.
I'm feeling some hopelessness, but not the all-consuming "wish I could die" kind. I believe that's pretty normal, too? I mean, there is no saving the M, I need to get out of here, and lack the funds to do it right now. It's so hard sometimes...what is normal for me doesn't always match what is normal for others. Embarrassing, but true.
The feeling of being broken really hurts my self-esteem. I'm a burden at times. I didn't do anything to cause this, but the depression is a part of me and I need to be honest about it. I spent far too many years NOT talking about it, or addressing it in any way, so I didn't get the help I needed. I don't want it to define me, though. I need to work on that.
I don't feel too good about H' s intentions towards me. I really need to come up with a plan of some kind to get me out of here. I hope the investigation is over soon so I can get my car fixed.
