It was a lot of things. Had self-esteem issues I needed to resolve. W's negativity about sex prompted passive-aggressive responses from me. I would improve for a while but I never stopped to look at the bigger picture.
While LD I did masterbate, had sexual thoughts, etc but I didn't just act on them. That was one point the book made that makes sense. Just do it...don't think too much.
The final straw was her moving out. It actually allowed me to break the continual cycle of confrontation...fixing things for her, not me...and then going back to the old ways. Now that I have my self-confidence back I am very HD but she's now LD.
WAW actually said some revealing things last week. W said she probably never told me what she wanted sexually (freq, fantasies, etc). W also said that she is like one of the guys at work (jokes, innuendo, flirtin), but for some reason is not that way around me.
W also acknowledged that her past (childhood exposure to pornography, first experience wasn't exactly consentual, hs boyfriends cheated on her) is probably one reason why the pain of "rejection" hurts so much.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
