My wife and I have been separated for 3 months now. I kicked her out when I found out she had been abusing cold mediciene and that she was possibly losing her career. Bad move but it happened. She began to text her boss the day after she left home. I confronted them about it and she denied and got really upset that I would accuse them.
The first couple months of our seperation I felt she was distant from our 18 month old son and she would always work later and later. I fought a lot with her over this because all I could think is she is with this guy.
The last month of our seperation I toned it down and focused on building a positive relationship with her. On the weekends she began to stay all day with my son and we would hang out all day. We went to aquariums together dinner all the things a family does together. At night my son would go to sleep and she began to stay all night watching movies then would sleep on the couch. I felt we were reconnecting. A few days ago I came across text between her and her boss and after confrontimg her she admitted they had been seeing each other and sleeping together since a month after she left. I was obviously upset and she kept wanting to talk bc she felt bad and didn't want to hurt me. We talked but it seems like she likes this guy and thinks they have a future later on. When her life is not so complicated. She works with him everyday also.
I just want guidance. It seemed when I started self improving, communicating, and not pressuring her about anything we began to bond again and enjoy our time both with and without our son. But her actions tell me that she moved on.
Is it time for me to cut this off once and for all? Is it too late to save my family?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I feel for ya. That's a hard thing to be going through.
Sounds to me like job 1 is holding down the fort for your son and you're doing that. You're there for him and that's what matters most. I really admire you standing strong and doing that.
I would recommend getting the DR book and working through that. Based on what you wrote previously it sounds like you've already made some good starts on detaching, not pursuing/pushing, etc.
Do you have family/friends for support, to lean on, etc.?
I'm just confused on the detachment part. Seems like we been reconnecting and enjoying each other's company. Do I cut her off even though we are getting along?
