Mustardseed Sprouting

[mustardseed]

I read this and thought--was this person eavesdropping on my relationship? Talk about spot on.

He was so good at this. So good. Early on he made me feel awful for confiding in friends when we would have a disagreement. He told me that he doesn't want them thinking he was a bad guy. I assured him I never bad mouthed him, but I just needed to talk and he needed space so I turned to my friends to fill my need and overcome my frustration. He always used double speak--saying he understood, and he would never tell me what to do, but at the end of it all I felt awful and apologized and I never did it again. I made it a point to always speak highly of him, even when he frustrated me. I ended up becoming distanced from people because I felt guilty letting them into our lives. It was my job to keep up the perfect family picture.

Meanwhile he opened up to OW. He turned me into a "clingy crazy bitch" to his circle. He did everything he tried to make me feel guilty about doing--even though I wasn't doing it.

That is the reason why I make sure I am not hiding. AS much as I avoid interactions with him, I like that others are seeing the real me. It makes him uncomfortable, which can be dangerous for me--but understanding his game and staying focused--not reactive--is important. I can't avoid him because we have kids. So the best I can do is keep up my wall with him, and be my best me for myself, my children, and the rest of the world.