If I were to come to him and say something like, "I felt very hurt by xyz..." His response is usually something along the lines of, "you don't think I have hurts?" In other words what ever my issue about being hurt is never taken into account or address and he turns it around to make it about him.
I used to do that too. I see it as justifying our own bad behavior OR saying something like "I'll change when I see YOU change."
I eventually did the work to get to where I can separate someone else's behavior from my response. Takes a while to make the choice to get there...but once someone makes that choice to act deliberately out of their own sense of personal strength and caring, instead of reacting to perceived or actual wrongs someone else commits, a good C can help a lot. Once I got to that point, I made pretty fast progress.
