If I were being honest, in some aspects, my husband is incredibly selfish, in others he is very generous.
The therapist we saw is a "no nonsense call people on their sh*t" kind of therapist. We both agreed that our marriage has problems and we are both responsible for our part, but she flat said that HE made the decision to cheat. My husband has said he is sorry. But often times I feel like I get responses like, "I hate myself for what I've done" and "I feel very ashamed". i am a very compassionate person, but I feel like that these kind of statements are said so that I feel the urge to console him, not the other way around.
That's the way most things go in our marriage. If I were to come to him and say something like, "I felt very hurt by xyz..." His response is usually something along the lines of, "you don't think I have hurts?" In other words what ever my issue about being hurt is never taken into account or address and he turns it around to make it about him. Even the therapist pointed that out.
I even thought well, maybe I am not listening. So the last couple of interactions I have tried to listen, acknowledge, validate and even sometimes apologize. And then I think okay, maybe this is what I will get back. But it never happens. When I tried to discuss it this morning his response was, "maybe I am just human, and humans make mistakes, and maybe that's what you need to understand". Again, his solution is usually that I need to change me or he just throws the problem right back in my lap.
I am going to pick up the book DR today, but I am really running out of hope.
