Time to let go ....How (4)

[otw]

Flight/Fogg
I do appreciate the responses, and i agree 100%. I dont think i can go NC especially with the kids. I have been keeping a log of what goes on everyday. I probably can get a little more detailed about our interactions. As i have noted before i do see a little difference in her mannerisms but i cant mind read why so i will leave it alone.

just a little journaling
I have looked back over the past 6.5 months and looked at how i reacted and things i did in the beginning and just shake my head. I chased and begged like the best of them. After that i just went into fix it mode and held on to everything i saw from her. Then i went into ignore mode.
I then realized i have come around to where i am now. I do not initiate as much contact but still do. I am polite and respectful and nice.
I have also noticed i feel different. I feel a weird peace about myself. Yes it hard to watch her pack up all of her belongings, hard to work on a separation agreement, hard to know my children will be gone some days but I know this is happening and oddly enough i am kind of excited about what i get to do when she is fully out regarding new things for the house, some time for me, alone time with kids.
I will miss her dearly and still want my W, but i look at how she still does not thank me for cooking a dinner or running out to the store when we forgot soemthing needed and i wonder to myself dont i want to feel appreciated?

I am not sure where this next step of the journey will take me but I do know my kids love me to death, know i am the rock for them as they make comments about how their mother is different , I will succeed in life and know i am worthy of great things and relationships.

I do have to say i read a lot of the success stories on here and winding down on Caliguys. I have never felt so many different emotions reading something. If he looks in, i want him to know how much i appreciate his journaling to help others and continued support. Thorton as well. I know there are plenty more and i will get to them.

anyway, that is all for now.