DB, I think that LL gave you some great advice. You simply CANNOT use the "she was negative" thing any longer. Take ownership of yourself--the truth is that your sexuality got derailed for whatever reason and your relationship suffered as a consequence.
She might be needing to hear that from you, I have no idea.
What is your level of affection like with her? If she won't have sex with you, what ARE you allowed to do with her? If she will allow hugs and kisses and quality time, then by all means use that to your advantage. Remember how it used to be in the beginning--woo her back to you. And be persistent. My H was LD also and I held tons of resentment towards him, too. It took me years to ditch this, I am ashamed to say. But the thing that hauled me away from my pity party was his persistence. He simply would not stop being this wonderful guy and I found him irresistable, no matter how much I wanted to hate him.
Show her that you are for real with the desire. In whatever way you can sneak in, let her know that you find her desirable. She may push you away or pretend that it is not having an effect on her (I did this) but I can assure you it will. Write her little notes. Send her emails. Tell her any sexy dreams you have about her. Compliment her if she looks nice. In short, do not let the sexual dialogue die for even one day. It doesn't have to be over-the-top things..a simple comment like "boy your arse looks good in those jeans" is fine. If you think it, let it out.
I think that my H is actually a pretty sexual person but was too awkward to let that guy out. So he kept him bottled up all the time and wanted me to just "trust" that he was there. This was not enough for me, and still isn't.
So, in a nutshell my advice to you is: Be affectionate and let that be where you get your foot in the door; then kick that door open with reminders of how sexy you think she is. If that doesn't get you in her pants, then nothing will! LOL
Good luck to you and congrats on making your way here...
