PP's WAW Adventure Continues - (8)

[asitis]

Made it through the day without calling my W, thanks for the help today folks. Had the IC that we both saw (works with my W) reach out to me this afternoon for an unrelated issue and I told him that I was confused by her behavior.

His reply "She said that you had connected over the weekend, sounds confusing to me too!"

25 years of couples therapy under his belt and he's confused. Makes me feel a bit better about my sitch.

Tomorrow is a new day. I've got my rubber bands back on and a host of goals to get through.

PP

The good ones will admit they don't know what they don't know. He also might have more suspicions or insights [esp. since he's talked to your W], but he can't share them because it's premature, might get your hopes up too much, or that judgement is based on something your W disclosed in privacy of their professional R. "Sounds confusing to me too!" can also be construed as I can see how that would seem confusing to you. It is a basic reflection of meaning back to you. Sort of a "wow, I can see why you say that..." It's not that he is lying, but that he may have an insight or view that would be detrimental to your growth and development.

There have been many signs that your W is not entirely sure about you. It is also hard detach, and the process is not linear. You also noted yourself your frustration that the major things have been addressed, but you still are getting a D. Do you see how on the one hand there is the pull of that, yet with the loss of trust and affection that she could be thinking, oh that's nice but I don't feel the spark? Then there is fear of whether she can trust, whether she loveable, whether she can handle the pain of taking a step back only to have you revert to the old you. There is also a disconnect between what you are saying and doing and the way she is perceiving these things. If she views you as an emotional threat or trigger for painful feelings, she is going to not always see you clearly. That's a lot of noise to filter through to try to guess what is actually going on with her.

This week has been full of mixed messages for me too, so I'm right there with you scratching my head and wondering. I've had my W greet me in her PJs, robe with nothing underneath [wanted to say, what the h*ll you do you think you are doing, you're naked under that one, losely gathered garment - it's been a year and a half and you don't see how crazy that's going to drive me], actually call to do something considerate [wanted to ask if she had hit her head on something], and then shortly after text to let me know something totally inconsequential. Just too many possible explanations to even attempt to figure it out. Too much noise. I suspect a lot of it is unconscious, and that if I make her aware of it, she will put the walls back up. Even if she is starting to feel a little different towards me, it doesn't mean she is ready to take the first steps toward mending our R. It just is what it is. Time will tell. Keep on keeping on. At least things aren't getting worse even if this doesn't mean something positive.