PP's WAW Adventure Continues - (8)

[PigPen]

Thanks Mutatio and Rd, appreciate you swinging by.

Just got off the phone with my best friend, I called him to give me a 2x4. I now understand Wonka's post a few posts back about really doubling down on the DB efforts and not letting my W get into my head.

I failed at that with the last conversation we had. She's been in my head all day today. So much so that I called my friend instead of calling her and asking her why on earth we are getting D'ed if the reasons she listed as problems in our M have been resolved or at least have been addressed in a manner that gives them credence.

Our interaction on Saturday was just like so many of the ones in the past, but even more intimate. She got teary eyed telling me how when we were M she would see glimpses of "the real me" when my work settled down, or even when I had had too much to drink and would gush about how much I loved her and loved being with her, but how at all other times I was too consumed with my work and shut down.

While I don't think she specifically said anything purposefully to manipulate me on Saturday, the pursuer/distancer dynamic has been reignited anyway - I want to reach out to her and am thinking about a life with her. Last week I didn't want to reach out to her and was thinking about a life without her. If her goal, even subconsciously was to get me to think about her and want to pursue her, she did it masterfully. Or I'm just a really easy mark.

It's all so frustrating to hear about other couples that we both know that in her words "just needed to get some counseling and have a major stressor removed from their M and now they're doing better than ever" but then not have counseling be an option for us - especially given that the three major stressors that we had as a couple are now gone as well.

Is this where the "believe actions over words" part of DB'ing holds the strongest? That her words are only justifying why she left and I'm looking for an answer that I may never get? Or is this exactly what Wonka outlined, that she wants to keep me interested and is doing so by now opening up herself?

I got a TM from her yesterday saying "It was great to be able to connect with you yesterday". From my standpoint it probably was for her because she isn't sitting in my shoes now wondering why on earth we're not together.

I'm a very confused PP today. It was almost better being horribly depressed last week.

Any thoughts are appreciated. Even if they're full speed 2 x 4's.

PP