So I confronted W about a possible EA/PA. Wedding rings were off and she had an 'appointment' in town and I caught her off guard with her phone which she put down very quickly. My paranoia started to eat at me so I asked her straight up.
She assured me that there was no EA/PA and said I was being paranoid. She wouldnt ever have a A as her first priority were the boys and an A would push me away from them. She wanted us to remain friends even though I had said we would never be friends. She wants wahats best for the boys. She said the wedding rings were off and on each day (as I have noticed) and she hadn't put them back on after the run earlier today as she hadn't had a shower. The appt was for botox (which she has every 3/6months) and needs an appt to order it.
So this convo led to a tentative R talk with basically no movement from W.
She said the first few days after BD (3 weeks ago) she deparately wanted me out as the tension was unbearable but things had got better and she didnt want to 'push me out the door'.
She was ok with the present arrangements, said she didnt want to give me a timetable but it couldn't continue forever and I had to consider my options. She sort of said I could stay until after xmas.
She said I must have thought about it...wanting my opinion. I tried to not say anything that would be pursuing and just said that what I wanted was not the same as her and could we leave it at that.
I didnt reason, plead, beg or pursue in any way even though afterwards I so badly wanted to hug her.
This happened in S8 bedroom. She is sorting through the bedrooms throwing out old toys and games. She asked me to join/help her and we had a relaxed 15-30 mins sorting through stuff. It was more relaxed that the last 3 weeks.
She did refer to the MBR (where she is sleeping) as her bedroom
Earlier I said I was going out at 7pm (salsa) she didnt enquire where.
So lots to think about. Not sure where to go from heer other than the letter is on a backburner for now.
The D word was not mentioned but she still wants separation and possible/probable D.
Last edited by isittoolate; 10/26/1505:18 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
It's all lies. Don't you remember 0/50? Yeah, she's relaxed because you're baying down to her. The biggest clue is about the bedroom. It's 'her' bedroom. Really? No f***** way! It's your choice if you want to sleep in there or not.
I thought we said no R talk as well? Go and re-read sandi2's post in the homework section. It's at the bottom of the rules. It explains virtually your entire situation (scrub that, all LBS's situations) and how you should react.
'I don't want to push you away' - really? That's why she's taken her wedding ring off and is texting/talking on the phone in a suspicious manner.
IS, you need to do your homework here!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I agree with Huddy it is all lies. H told me his ring was off because he was working on his truck and it was greasy. I was served D papers 5 days later without warning. I am not saying that is going to happen but I doubt she would own up to the real reason it is off. Go back to the rules like Huddy suggested.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
The rings on off is not a lie. She has been doing it for 8 weeks as she exercises every day - a minimum of a one-mile run. It's a challenge she is doing with a girlfriend. The appt was 20 mins and I followed her in my car just to see where she went - yes I know it's snooping but I wanted to be sure. I couldn't follow her all the way but she went to the shopping area close to where she gets Botox.
I'm convinced there is no PA for sure. EA? .The only way I can be sure is to get access to her phone. She doesn't hide it usually but today I caught her off guard as I entered the MBR quickly
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
No, I don't mean lying about the ring. Yeah, It's off. She's sending you a message - 'right now, I don't want to be with you'. She's only been doing it for the last eight weeks?
OK, following is not a good move, but I know why you've done it. The idea about not snooping is because if you find something you don't like, you'll get hurt. Yes, you need intel, but there has got to be other ways.
What I mean about lying is the words coming out of her mouth. She'd tell you the moon was made of cream cheese if it suited her purposes. She'll tell you anything to keep you off the scent of what she's got in mind. This is where you detach. It's tough, really tough, but you've got to act as if you don't really care what you're W does, you need to look after number one.
The R talks don't help. All that is doing is pushing her further away. She's asking your opinion because she wants you to agree to her wayward plan and make it easy for her to trample all over you. In order to supress what's going on, your W will need to feel loss. That's not going to happen whilst you are busy running around after her, doing anything she wants, but nothing you want. She's got you by the balls, with a broom up your arse - is that what you want?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
She wouldnt ever have a A as her first priority were the boys and an A would push me away from them
Sorry mate. I don't know your W but ^^^ that statement is bollox. My Ex said almost those words to me. Now look where I am. The 0/50 rule applies with EVERYTHING she said, good or bad.
Sorry buddy but the phone is a red flag.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
"I need to learn to flirt, seduce, initiate and be more romantic. Will I get the chance? Maybe.:
Why can't you do this now? You don't be overly obvious about this but you can learn how to seduce NOW and then slowly apply it when the opportunity presents itself. It's still up to her to take the bait, but it continually seems as if you are waiting on her to make a first move.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I will never get definitive proof unless I can get the password to her phone. So I will accept her word and move on.
Mr Bond - very good points and I will try. What about romantic? Isn't that just pursuing?
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Yes that is. I didn't say anything about being romantic. There's a difference.
For lack of a better example right now, think of James Bond. He KNOWS that he can get any woman he wants, flirts, gives them attention, listens, etc. BUT he could care less if they tell him they aren't interested. He doesn't give a damn if he's rejected or not.
Just flirt and back off. Don't go too overboard.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
