Re: LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (3)

[Zephyr]

you can "notify" an admin and ask nicely through that interface to have the specific names changed to something more generic, rather something someone would not be able to trace dots. This forum is open and relatively anonymous. there are some who chose to use their reel names which is fine, but including others names...not so much.

[gs9]

I'm going out tonight and WW is taking the kids to her Mom's this weekend. Should be nice and quiet for a couple days.

[Zephyr]

OK GS,

you will be on your own for the weekend. What are your plans for Saturday then too.
No kids, no wife...PLEASE HAVE SOME FUN

.

[gs9]

Oh yeah!....I'm going to have some fun. Cards with the guys tonight. I may try to find someone to golf with on Saturday or watch football. who knows. Maybe I'll go to vegas for the night.

[gs9]

Ok... Need help.....
on Friday night W sent txt that said " If you come home tonight I put your toothbrush on the bookshelf by the bedroom door. Please don't wake us up if you can help it. Good night" I didn't respond. I knew this meant she was sleeping in the MBR with the kids. I've made the boundary of this is where I'll be sleeping but she brought up that when I come home late she would like to sleep in there because the garage door wakes her up. I hadn't the opportunity to talk about this with her so instead I decided to not go home.
Saturday morning she sent a text that said " will you be at the house this weekend? If so please make sure the cat has food, please clean the litter. I've done most of the housework, but please dust everything and clean pictures w windex, and please clean the marital bathroom" I know this is her being very controlling telling me what to do around the house. I did not respond.

2 hours later she sent another txt " Don't bring a woman into my house. That would be a mistake" I didn't respond.

she took the kids to her parents house on Saturday. I sent a text asking her to have the kids call me. She said D4 is sleeping.

Saturday evening she sent a text that said " I'm missing you not being here" I didn't respond. 2 hours later she sent a text that said " Ha! Well, at least I tried! I'm sure you've moved on" I didn't respond

Sunday- I asked her to have the kids call me. 2 hours later she said " I asked D4 to call....she ran outside to play w the boys. We will be home by 6." I didn't respond.

Just before 6 she called me 3-4 times and I didn't answer. She then sent a text that said " I'm having a friend and his daughter over for dinner. DO NOT COME by here." I didn't respond. I believe she was lying. she was mad bc I didn't respond to her telling me she missed me and I wasn't there when they got home.

90 minutes later she sent a txt "Have you seen the remote"
I responded " I haven't. I understand your frustration w the garage door waking you up. I've been clear about where I'll be sleeping and why. If you'll leave the chain off the front door I'll park outside the garage and use the front door or you can sleep in the basement."
She responded " Stay out of my room" "tell your girlfriend that you keep trying to sleep with me" "Don't wake up D4 and I bc you are selfish and inconsiderate" I didn't respond.

When I got home I tried to use the front door. I thought the chain was still on it so I used the garage door. It woke her up and she came downstairs. She had taken the chain off the door but it was stuck when I tried to open it.
She wanted to know if I had a girlfriend. She kept asking why I just wouldn't be honest with her and if I really wanted this marriage I would be, I wouldn't be staying out late, I would be sending her 3 text messages a day telling her I love her and I want her and I wouldn't be leaving the house when she is there with the kids. She said that when she reached out to me on Saturday night and said she missed me she thought it really could be a turning point for us. I told her I didn't feel I could trust it. That there have been so many occasions where she has reached out to me, said something nice where I thought she may be pursuing our marriage and as soon as I showed a little hope she was going the other way, away from our marriage and pursuing another man. I told her over the past 5 months there have been so many occasions when she has not been honest with me and she has had at least 2 affairs. She said she would be honest with me if I would be honest with her. I said Ok, are you still talking with the 2 guys you've had an affair with? She said she still talks to the first one 2-3/wk and it could have been considered a physical, emotional and mental affair but the second guy hasn't done anything inappropriate and she hasn't talked to him since September because he won't talk to her until the divorce is final.
I said " so nothing inappropriate?"
She said "no".
I said " I know you're not being honest. You expect me to be honest with you but you're not being honest with me"
She said " yes I am, he is just a good friend"
I said " W, I've read your text messages. I know you're not being honest. I know you've told him you love him, you're looking forward to a future with him, you've spent the night with him and he has told you he loves you too." She then admitted to these things.
I then told her everything....no girlfriend...who I've been hanging out with and where I've been. One thing I've done a couple nights is play poker. She said that makes her nervous because she thinks I use to play too much, That I'll start playing too much, start drinking and then start messing around with women. I told her that I understand and I would be happy to stop playing if she would stop talking to the other guy. She said it's not even a bargaining chip because she has no connection to this guy. I think she's just making an excuse to keep talking to him but I said "fine, I'll just stop playing because I understand it to be a obstacle if we're going to reconcile so I'll just stop" I told her I love her, I want her, I do not want a divorce, I want our m just not like the one we had. She said our marriage ended last year and this part is just the paperwork. That if we're going to be M we would have a new proposal, ceremony and rings. I said agree but we don't have to D in order for this to occur.

We did hug some on the bed on top of the covers before we went to our separate rooms.

We have a couple from our church who the wife is talking with my wife and I am talking with the H. They went through close to the same sitch as we are. The H is telling me to be open and honest with her. To not withhold from her. That she is coming around. To be an open book. I'm doubtful

[gs9]

So....I've been kicking this around a bit.....I think I've taken DBing too far to the extreme. I've been out of the house every chance I get. I'm not telling her where I'm going and staying out late. Such as 1 am on work nights more than once. I didn't come home last Friday night at all. Played poker at the casino all night. She accuses me of seeing other women and even though I'm not responsible for her thoughts or accusations I did break her trust over a year ago when I was unfaithful. I do need to respect that. thoughts?

[otw]

i understand your thinking because i have those thoughts as well. In the midst of you doing all of this what have you done to show her you are someone only a fool would leave?

[vise82]

Hey gs9,

I think sandi2 has a thread on the WW and what to do and rules to follow if you are going to piece your R together. Its is very to the point and applies to you with the PA. you may have to read through a lot of posts on that thread to get to it.

Good luck.

[MrBond]

Did you read DB or DR?

Since you cheated on her, trust is the biggest problem for her. And with you running off and doing whatever you want, you've shown that you can't be trusted.

In what ways have you tried to rebuild trust with her?

[gs9]

i understand your thinking because i have those thoughts as well. In the midst of you doing all of this what have you done to show her you are someone only a fool would leave?

Unfortunately I pushed the GALing too far. No need to be out to the wee hours of the morning. That is not someone only a fool would leave. Time to slightly alter course