Back on these forums again 2

[Mona52]

I have no update regarding H, but that is nothing new. I have had to show amazing restraint over the last few days to not contact him, because I have been very angry, especially after my snooping.

I did half way contact him this morning. He sent an important email with S's soccer update to my work email on Saturday. Apparently, the coach wanted a game on Sunday. My S could not go to Saturday's game because we were volunteering, but he wanted to go to Sundays. I did not have the information. H emailed it to my work address so I did not get it until this morning. So I sent him the quickest of emails
"I do not work Saturdays, so I did not see this..."

Other than that, there has been no contact.
I am 4 positives up from the last negative so I do not want to ruin my streak. I will not contact him unless I am sure it will be a positive. I would like to squeeze a face to face in this week somehow, but I don't see how. My daughter has a birthday party on Sunday I invited him to, but I doubt he is coming. Tomorrow night he is picking up D to take her for a birthday dinner. It is just possible I will see him then. Better start looking for an outfit.

But, there has been a sort of contact. I have been updating facebook so much lately. Everywhere I take the kids, I get someone to get our pict. When I go out on Friday's, I get a picture. My facebook page looks like I go out every day! He 'liked' one of the homecoming pictures I threw up from last weekend, so I know he sees my posts.

I have a few facebook accounts. Business, pleasure, gaming, family and a few other ones. This way I can keep my worlds separate. I have kicked him off of all of my accounts except Family. And yesterday I change my last name of my family facebook account to my maiden name.

I like it better and even if we get back together, I still think I am changing my name to my maiden name.

I have been passing empty hours trying to sleep at night planning how to make sure I never get back in this spot ever again. I need to ensure I peek at DB and DR every couple of months so I remember. I did not remember last time. I remembered that I always want to work for better, but not that I wanted him.

Unfair unfair unfair. That is pretty much what my brain screams at me all the time anymore.

My H has a very very bad anniversary this Friday. To be honest, I am not even sure he will remember this Friday is one year to the day his mom passed. But I am thinking of somehow showing him my condolences. I just dont know how. He likes gifts, I know this, but what kind for gift do you buy for that? Oh Geez, nevermind. Of Course I know just what to get him.

MWD is just right. We have the capacity to figure these problems out so well. If we can just look at what we want the outcome to be, our brains naturally finds the perfect solution. Since I know this man so well, I know EXACTLY what will make him feel better.

And this is how I felt the last time I was DB'ing. Near the end of the three years I felt a kind of pity for H. Because of course I can fix this M. I know exactly what he wants. He has no prayer of resisting