Thanks man. I'm really in a good place at this point. Got a good friend and attorney who is helping me navigate the legal side of things. Been going to IC to have someone objective to talk to and help me work on my feelings about it and how I handle things with others. Family's been supportive. Been able to be here for the kids and we've gotten a little closer as a result so that's been nice too.
Really didn't want this at all, but have accepted it and am moving forward one day at a time. Already getting to where I feel like making some holiday plans, reconnecting with friends, etc.
Really aside from this, most everything else in my life is pretty darn good right now so that is helping.
Good, positive, loving choices = Good, positive, loving results most of the time, and peace at the very least.
I am in the same boat, you aren't alone. I have grown closer to my boys. Having fun with friends. Getting out more. Having a decent time at work. Gotten closer to my family. Started going to church again.
Everything happens for a reason, we just don't see it at the time.
Wishing you the best!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
tl2, I am so sorry to hear about the D. But you are doing a great job with yourself and the kids.
It's lovely how your kids and family have rallied around you.
D may not be the end of the R. If at anytime, your W realises what it is that she's missing, you would have become a much better you, and would have less to work on for yourself.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Tl2, I am sorry to hear how things are going. I just want to say that I really really appreciate you sharing your story. I have taken notes! And I plan on implementing some of the things you have put in place to help you get through this difficult time. It is inspirational.
Your compassion for your wife is amazing. I too have been married 20yrs + so I understand the history. That's the mother of your children and it sounds like you have given this everything you've got. From an outsiders viewpoint, you can see the poor choices she is making and it's sad, but I can see the reason for detaching and letting her make her own choices, as poor as they may be. When you are long gone and she is still unhappy, who will she blame then?
I know the loneliness is hard, but it sounds like you are making wonderful improvements in yourself. From reading this, I see that you are hardworking, faithful, loyal, a great dad, you are working out, you love nature, you have a good sense of humor and can hold a good conversation, and you have a strong faith in God. I don't know what will happen with your wife, but if things don't work out, I imagine you won't be single for very long...
At this point, I don't really want my W back anymore because the W I know isn't a person I want to be in a M with. If she initiated a reconciliation and was committed to the process, was clearly serious, I would most likely give it a shot under guidance from my IC and a MC--because that's what I believe in and who I want to be--but it would likely be a very long, slow process and knowing her as I do she just isn't the kind of person right now who would do that kind of work if she didn't see some sort of immediate benefit to her.
So...I've been away awhile. Had to get out of my head and get relationship talk/thoughts out of my head. Spent a lot of time hanging out with some friends, my kids, and my family over the last few weeks. It's done me good. A whole heck of a lot of good even.
I have received divorce papers. I have responded to them with the changes I require. We are currently stuck on a couple of points that we both say are non-negotiable. So the divorce is in progress, but stalled until this is resolved.
As for me, life continues to get better. Different in a way I'm not used to yet, but better. A month ago I was really dreading the holidays. Now I'm feeling much better about that and have been making holiday plans with my family.
I can without a doubt say that this has been the most difficult experience of my adult life...and it ain't quite over yet. But it feels like the worst is behind me at least.
Been a while since any updates. I will most likely be signing the final D papers at the end of the week or first of the following week.
This upcoming week will be final move-out week for STBX. She has been living elsewhere for 10+ weeks but most of her stuff is still here.
It's been quite a ride. Generally unpleasant, both due to my doing and hers. With the help of IC, family, a couple good friends I have accepted the consequences and continue moving forward. I don't like it. I don't want the marriage and family to break up. But I accept that it has/is/will.
The future promises neither good nor bad, but arrive with both good and bad in it. I take comfort in knowing I can move forward with more strength, patience, kindness, and compassion...and more tools in the toolbox than I had at this time last year.
