Hi Uphill, most times I think it is best to do nothing when we feel upset and angry. I haven't yet regretted doing nothing - but I think we often regret things that we do when our emotions are running high. Best to wait for that to pass, and then you can see what you want to do. There's no rush with anything you describe..
Take care & I hope you feel more settled again soon
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you sotto, I will rest on this for a while before making a final decision. No rush is correct. Me and S4 are going to have a great day no matter what kind of curveballs are thrown my way. It just seems at this point in time that the next 13 1/2 years of my life are going to be comprised of tests like this...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
After last nights events, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have been storing much of XF's things in my attic and garage as a favor because she has nowhere to go with the stuff. Before I go forward with this I would like to hear some feedback.
I am thinking about telling her that she has 14 days to get whatever she may want and get it out. That I will not get disrespected the way I have been for months and continue to offer free storage space.
It may be wrong but the way I have been looking at it is... Here in the US, you have the freedom to say anything you want. But that doesn't mean that there won't be consequences if you say the wrong thing to the wrong person.
I personally feel like the consequences have to start showing?
Wait a week.
See how you feel then.
If it's still the same, maybe it's not a bad idea to do it. If it changes, you can think back and be thankful you didn't act.
There's no rush, right?
Edit to add that I see Sotto beat me to it. Good advice!
I agree with the other posters on waiting to see how you feel. The anger at how unfair this entire situation is wants to take over, but we are strong enough to resist. You are connecting the social medial situation with the the storage and now wanting to punish her for not keeping her word. I understand, its frustrating but you have to choose the person you want to be regardless of the way she acts.
As you said before it wouldn't be in your nature to do this and you consider someones word as gold. If you did tell her she could store the things there as a favor then what she does with social media would have no bearing on your word.
I get the urge to see the consequences happen also but I don't think its a good idea to try and force them. My W is now living alone and free to have friends over, doesn't have the kids as often and just got a nice raise at work making more than she ever has in her life. All things considered shes better off and doesn't have that many consequence to deal with. The consequences she will deal with are the longer term ones that could have more of an impact on her. Being petty and making her move her belongings might make things hard for her right now, but it also puts the focus back on us as the enemy. Allowing her to move out and eventually face the reality of the issues shes caused the children and having no way to blame her issues on me anymore could be the consequences that make or break this. Its just not something that will be in the short term.
The only consequences that will matter are the ones she brings on herself so don't give her a reasonable reason to blame you. To clarify, I'm not saying to ignore the storage items, I'm just saying don't do it because of her actions on an unrelated matter.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thank you to everybody for talking me out of jumping off that ledge. I do think I have to find a better way to set boundries so I am not continually used. I have to stop doing favors. I don't mind helping out a person from time to time but it seems that when I do anything as such, her disrespect goes up and her expectations go up also. I am sure that I will be asked this afternoon to bring S4 directly to her place, as it happens every other Monday when he goes with her. I think I just don't have the time today and will stick to our agreed upon location. Start small with not accommodating her and see where it goes.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Thank you to everybody for talking me out of jumping off that ledge. I do think I have to find a better way to set boundries so I am not continually used. I have to stop doing favors. I don't mind helping out a person from time to time but it seems that when I do anything as such, her disrespect goes up and her expectations go up also. I am sure that I will be asked this afternoon to bring S4 directly to her place, as it happens every other Monday when he goes with her. I think I just don't have the time today and will stick to our agreed upon location. Start small with not accommodating her and see where it goes.
It's tough, but there IS a difference between a boundary and a punishment. I think you need to determine the lines that you do not want crossed around you, and then set expectations of consequences that you can and will uphold. Dont get hurt and then go around retaliating at random.
Certainly reasonable not to accommodate every one of her wishes. Just dont be a jerk about it.
I am thinking this is the right move for me. Not as retaliation but to quit bending so much. We have agreed upon meeting spots for drop off/exchanges. At first that is how it always went. Lately, more and more I am asked to drive all the way to her place (30 minutes one way). I don't mind helping out in a pinch, but when I show up there she is simply sitting on the couch. Not like she had other things to do, just laziness and using me.
I just think personally (I may be wrong) that this is a good place to start. Just remind her that we agreed upon locations and her appartment wasn't one of them?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I am thinking this is the right move for me. Not as retaliation but to quit bending so much. We have agreed upon meeting spots for drop off/exchanges. At first that is how it always went. Lately, more and more I am asked to drive all the way to her place (30 minutes one way). I don't mind helping out in a pinch, but when I show up there she is simply sitting on the couch. Not like she had other things to do, just laziness and using me.
I just think personally (I may be wrong) that this is a good place to start. Just remind her that we agreed upon locations and her appartment wasn't one of them?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Hmm, I would sit on this a while longer...I think you are still a little raw and reacting. If you truly can't make the full journey - fine - but don't do it in reaction to what recently happens IMHO...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
