WAS or what (3)

[Rouky]

Women love to talk. Start by small talk, we love when we are asked about how our day went as it shows that our partner cares about us!

[roist]

Thanks for the tip. I have been doing that. Rarely get asked about mine though. V rarely.

[Rouky]

My H is the same. I remember when I first started at my current job, one of my colleagues would completely ignore me. Then I started to say hi to her every morning. A month later we'd quickly stop for a minute chat!

[roist]

Your insight and thoughts are most welcome,esp from a woman.Good to have that. Feel free to make any other comments, esp about interactions with W, as I feel I am moving away from looking at that, possibly due to diminishing hope.

I do ask every evening about her day. I ask in low key manner and in general.If she is chatty I discus, ask more specific q about what she says and validate if possible. If not chatty I don't linger.

I also show appreciation whenever possible.Not licking your boots and worshipping, but moreso acknowledging what she has done.

Both of these are consistent new behaviours that I have introduced.Not that they were inexistent before, but are now a habit I want to bring forward. But the other week I was hit by a wave of delight when my wife replied and asked about me. It was so rare that it was really remarkable.Just highlightsmore our situation,but I'll rack it up as a baby sign.

[roist]

On a side point. I too remember working with someone who I felt didn't like me at all and would barely say hello.One day I mentioned a soccer match our national team played the night before. He talked heatedly about the match and ever since was friendly.I don't much like soccer but this simple interaction changed everything.

Pity it works better with strangers!

[mutatio]

Trying to repair a marriage when the spouse isn't interested is a daunting task. Hang in there roiste, bell well

[roist]

Thanks Rouky for your input. It has helped my thinking.

wow Z, I glanced through foreveryoungs threads.He seems like an mamazing guy. What a great mind v,frame. I have not gone back far in his istory but will. Glad he is getting progress.I feel weak and doubt I could stand that long. But I'm still standing so who knows.

Mutatio,i follow your story as it is good to know we share a similar struggle.It is tough but really helps to know I have support.AtAt times I feel really alone in the world. I am makingffriends and getting out, but can't/won't talk to about this or other big issues. Fogg's last post to you is great advice.I have been trying to nit give up until I am happy with a better me.

Thanks DB friends

[Zephyr]

I feel weak and doubt I could stand that long. But I'm still standing so who knows.
Thanks DB friends

You can do whatever you set your mind to, this I know from all I've read from you. I am confident in this.

As far as the timeline...none can say how long this will truly take, I know I didn't start seeing a change in her mindset towards me and our marriage fo4 three years of intimacy starvation. You could be a long ways still. This is why we need to learn how to love ourselves and start meeting our own deepest needs for appreciation , etc. Sprinkle in a little spoiling ourselves with that too, ok.

Maybe this could have gone faster if I would have found this site earlier, IDK. What it WoOULd have done, I would have started down the path for me to heal sooner...that is a certainty. She still needed to find her way.

One day and one step!

[roist]

Heading back home today. Wouldn't it be nice to be met ba loving W and kids. Will settle to just be met by w and loving kids.

I did use some of this trip to reflect on my situation. That was useful but not finished.But most of the trip was about not thinking about my situation and meeting relations and old friends, as well as two weddings. All and all it was a good trip. And it was mostly all about me.

I got to a bookstore and picked up some books.I was looking for nmmng but got another which was about same stuff. Also picked up "codependent no more". I am motivated to read these and other stuff to help me work on me. But I find it hard to get time to read, that W cannot see what I am reading. (Guess that is another part of what living in a half M ffecting ability to advance, Zephyr).But slowly I will get through these books.


During the trip W made contact by two nice texts. She also liked a fb post I made (something she hasn't done in a long time). So many times during the trip I was tempted to contact her to share a moment,but I limited contact to replying to her.

I have a lot of stuff to figure out but it is all about going forward.

[Zephyr]

Absence does make the heart grow fonder...this is very true.

I am glad that w reached out to you.
I am glad that you were able to have some good you time..let's try to do more. Even if it is to go to library or coffee shop for an hour, couple times a w3ek to read-so be it!!!

Thank you for continuing your posting! Have a safe trip home!