Thanks job, I know....I have to put him back in the "friend" zone. Hard but its got to be done because its messing with my life and putting to much pressure on him.
I see that I am not the norm when it comes to reconnecting and that my h has been more open and honest about what he is feeling and going through than most MLC'ers. I am lucky he is doing what he needs to before he commits fully to working on us. He is frustrated with himself as he expected to be further along by now, he says he feels a failure but knows this takes time and commitment. Tbh I think its shocked him that he has so many issues, things he never knew were an issue he finds are; it must be quite demoralizing to know that you spent your life thinking you knew things you actually didn't and that your decisions and actions have affected so many lives in a negative way.
This weekend has been about looking at my own life (omg, I hope its not the start of a mlc !!) I see that I am 45 and have no home, career, partner and generally a crapola life, I know its only me that can change things, but when I look back at the fact I had all that, a home I loved, a role in life I enjoyed, a partner who I adored, its been hard going trying to rebuild from that. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all that I do have and what I have achieved since h left, I know I have had an easier time than most and that I have had this time to work on myself and my own issues that I now won't take forward with me, I am a better person and a stronger woman for all this, so I don't feel any of this has been wasted time, yet I still have this sadness and loneliness, this dissatisfaction with how my life is right now.
Now in saying that, I know more than most that we never know what is around the corner, tomorrow, next week, next month or even this afternoon, all could change, something could happen that changes everything. So keeping the faith that this is where I should be right now and the answers will come to me.
