6 months in the storm

[ep0215]

I feel a lot better, like I have a plan in motion. I am determined to achieve these goals and make more. I have other subjects of goals in my head I would like to get written down. Like at work, the divorce process, etc.

I have a friend at work that is being emotionally and verbally abused by her husband. I have been trying to help her but he says he will change so she wants to stay with him now and believes him. This has been occupying my mind the last few days. She is a mess. Up and down emotions, responding to his spew of texts right away, deciding she doesn't want to leave him after he threatened her with filing for divorce. I am validating her without giving too much advice but I am really concerned for her.

[Vanilla]

Ep,

There hasn't been a spell break for your work colleague yet. Just be there when the big event happens.

It's her choice, the average abused spouse has 5 major incidents of abuse before they spell break. Then you call it. I have learned that abused spouses can't cope with hearing the truth until it cant be denied. Then a pattern interrupt at the start of a sweet cycle.

I think I counted 20 or 30 in my sitch, and 4 sweet cycles.

V

[Avanti]

I feel a lot better, like I have a plan in motion. I am determined to achieve these goals and make more. I have other subjects of goals in my head I would like to get written down. Like at work, the divorce process, etc.

That's great, it maybe time to stop writing gaols if you find you have to create a goal to get your goals under control.

Only kidding, just don't let your goal setting get in the way of taking action toward them, that's the other end of the pendulum from not having any goals.

[Vanilla]

Avanti, a huge push with the initial goal setting and finding most of the goals then documenting, saves great deal of frustration down the road.

If we prioritise the goals then that really is a breathe moment.

I agree we tackle some at at time. Indentifying full scope is a great relief though.

V

[Avanti]

Or can overwhelm those not used to such work. Building the big picture as confidence builds may help those taking those first tentative steps in a new discipline.

[Vanilla]

Not in this case, I think.

Ep has enormous energy and enthusiasm for this. It is helping with focus I sense that. Great connection with Epson higher power, which is guiding her.

Once on paper, it can be worked on.

V

[ep0215]

Thanks guys, those posts mean a lot to me. I appreciate your caution Avanti but I have to agree with V. I just understand the goals now and have so many other ways I an work on but I do agree with you steps at a time.

My friend was served her papers today while I was on the phone with her. The crappy part of it all is that he told her that he told his L to serve her today knowing that she is taking career licensing exam tomorrow. She can't focus or study now and probably won't pass. She finally packed up her stuff to leave him. I would normally not push for her to leave but for him to but in this case I do feel it is best that she go somewhere he doesn't know about.

Anyway on the positive note - I am working on my validating STBXH. He asked if he could drop off S4 to me early because his boss wanted to meet with him. I suspected it was because they may want to promote him, he agreed. He just TM me to see how S4 was doing. He's been sick

H: Can you keep me updated on S4?
M: (waited 15 min) Normal temp . Was your meeting what you expected?
H: yes (nice, care to elaborate?)
M: Good for you! I guess we both had great work days today. It's about time they saw what an asset they had.
H: What's new at work with you?

Convo still going...I guess that's good right? Usually he ignores me

[ep0215]

I told him about closing the deal today I have been working on for 6 months
H: awesome!!
M: Thanks for saying that

[Avanti]

Neither I nor V. is absolutely right, it's what's right for you that is important and you've worked that out which is great news.

Your conversation with your H sounds good, make sure you end it , don't give him he privilege and cut it short too, keep him wanting more.

[ep0215]

My goals seem to be working, I know, no expectations. I do feel better about myself lately and how I am handling S4 and STBXH.

We had another positive exchange yesterday when I picked up S4, I tried to be quick with a breezy good bye, he stopped me on the way to the car to ask what we were doing the next day and if we are going to carve pumpkins. I just said we have plans and I haven't decided yet. He offered to carve 2 with him and bring one to my house. He hasn't asked what we are up to in at least a month. I even told him his arms were looking ripped since I know he has been seeing a trainer.

On the D front - My L emailed me last night stating it has been 2 weeks since we met and we still haven't received a single document or anything from STBXH and his L's. So we are submitting our 2 offers in writing to see what happens and I must say they are very good offers to me. I just hope this doesn't derail any progress made over the last week.