So far had a pretty good day! Got a few important things sorted out this morning (nothing having to do with XF or the R). Picked up S4 and took him to a nice chuckle cheese type of place, first time at this one and it was real nice and he had a blast! Now doing a few things around the house and gonna prolly make us some popcorn and pop a movie in.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
So I just tripped up a bit a little while ago. Back when all this began, XF and I said no matter what neither one of us would take any of our problems to social media or remove each other because that way we can "share" photos of S4 and the other party can stay up to date so to speak.
She did not hold up to her end of the bargain... I confronted her by text message. Not nasty but asking what was going on. Her response was that she doesn't have to answer to anybody and a bunch of other talking in circles.
Long story short, I no longer have that "connection" into S4's life. She see no problem with that. My last message to her said that the way I have been treated these past 9 months has been a real eye opener. If she senses that she is being treated in a similar fashion moving forward not to bother asking me why because I won't be answering to anybody.
I know, 2x4 needed! I was raised that a persons word is gold. I trust way too easily. But I expect to be trusted and respected in return. When I say something I stay true to my word, if somebody tells me something I expect the same in return. It is a very touchy subject to me and as much as I knew I shouldn't say a word I couldn't keep my trap shut.
Uphill -1 for the week
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
It happens. Hard not to in such an emotionally volatile situation. Pick yourself up, brush it off, and continue. She hurt your feelings and you reacted. You might come up with a solution or plan to deal with this kind of thing in the future. It's more likely than not that something equally hurtful could occur.
You'll be okay. At least you knew what you could have handled better right away. See? You're making progress!
After last nights events, I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have been storing much of XF's things in my attic and garage as a favor because she has nowhere to go with the stuff. Before I go forward with this I would like to hear some feedback.
I am thinking about telling her that she has 14 days to get whatever she may want and get it out. That I will not get disrespected the way I have been for months and continue to offer free storage space.
It may be wrong but the way I have been looking at it is... Here in the US, you have the freedom to say anything you want. But that doesn't mean that there won't be consequences if you say the wrong thing to the wrong person.
I personally feel like the consequences have to start showing?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Uphill, I would not link the blocking you from social media with the storage space situation. Things can really start escalating and I don't think that is what you want. Maybe take a few days to put the focus back on yourself, review your goals, and then if you think the storage situation needs to be addressed, deal with that as a stand alone issue.
Do not act based on your current hurt feelings. Act based on your goals and plans, not on your feelings.
Uphill - I know you are extremely hurt by her taking that away from you. I have to agree with the others on not escalating the situation or reacting based on your feelings. If the stuff is in your way or a legitimate reasons for needing them gone, then that is a different story, if it is just to be spiteful, then I think you know what everyone on here will say to you. Try to get through this with grace and dignity, you are doing an amazing job so far.
I had to make treating STBXH with compassion one of my goals because he continues to do things involving S4 that hurts me. It has helped me react to the situation.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I appriciate the feedback, I do in a way think that some of my feelings are based on spite. But also based on taking a stand on being disrespected. I have so far sat back and taken a lot off of my chin and she has not had to answer for any of it.
In a way I don't think it would be in my character to do something like tell her to get her stuff out. But it would be a big 180 for me to take a stand and show that I won't be a piñata anymore?
I will take it day by day and see if my feelings on it change at all. Right now I feel like I am being used yet again.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
You are being used. You are being disrespected. But you can handle those things for the time being, they will not kill you and they cannot hurt you unless you let them. Put aside your pride and your ego and be honest with yourself about what your goals are. Once you have your goals in place, then what steps are you taking to achieve those goals. If setting a boundary is needed, especially if it is a 180, then do so with thought and deliberation. Not with anger or desperation.
Right now the storage situation can wait. I'm not saying it can wait if you are tripping over her stuff and it is falling on your head whenever you open your closet door. But is the storage issue the best example of setting a boundary to establish respect, or maybe there is something you can do that will be more productive. Think about what you want. I think the storage thing is going to come across as petty. There has to be something else that is more important to you, that you can address when you are not emotional, something that is more closely tied to your goals. Think on it.
I am not tripping over any of it. It is all stuff that she had to store away and couldn't get rid of. It's just a principle thing I guess. She walks all over me and I continue to take it. Maybe I'm just hitting my boiling point with all the nonsense? I know it would seem petty to do anything over something so trivial. I just think in my mind, I hit the point that all the small trivial things have added up to a mountain of disgust.
I do still love this woman. I don't know how I can sit here and say that after all I have been through but I can. I think the problem is she knows that and uses it to her advantage at times like this?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
