PP's WAW Adventure Continues - (8)

[asitis]

It is baffling, hopeful, painful, frustrating, and exciting all at the same time. Patience. Patience! She is not done with you. I know you sometimes go there, but trust that she is not from an outside perspective. It may end up there, but that die is not cast yet.

Softening: when my W really opens up and exposed herself now, I get really soft in my validation. "Yeah. I know. Yeah, that's frustrating isn't it?" but in a very soft voice. Softening is one of the things most of us men really need to go through. Not rolling over, but being able to connect and really get the pain and challenges our partners are going through.

My suggestion is that the distance you've requested is something you put into place that needs some exceptions: Next time you switch off, leave your exchange with a flirt bomb and walk away. You really look incredible in those jeans! I love that smile - it still turns me to putty! Whatever you are wanting to say that is flirtatious, do it but with you on your way out. You aren't pursuing, it doesn't turn into an awkward moment, just a lingering glow and a hint that there is still an opening if she chooses.

You aren't violating the rules with this. You've shown that you accept their decision. You are walking the walk. You have indicated that you want more distance for yourself. Yet, you still have the spark that she wants. It isn't trying to get her back, as you've been moving away, just a matter of fact exclamation that is possible now that you have dropped the rope.

I've thought for a while that you two aren't done. This convo confirms that suspicion. The devil is in the details, of course. And getting your hope up too much would not be good either. You will likely need to be apart for a long while, and I'd indicate my acknowledgement of that reality. Time for you to send some mixed messages in terms of the relationship, but not in terms that you ever gave up on her or stopped admiring and loving her.

In know my W & I need to be apart for her sake. I accept that and am helping to make that a reality. Still, getting her to see what I was at that point made the flirtation possible & maybe effective. It is a lot more powerful to let go, but still express your interest in her. It is more authentic when you've stopped the pursuit and are allowing her to move on.