My boundaries are very poor!!! Especially when a person starts out being very nice to me or attentive torwards me. Then if they change how they treat me, or treat me disrespectfully I don't know how to confront (although with strangers I'm fine) and I end up questioning myself. For some reason I have always had trouble asking for things that I am actually entitled too. When I first started working in my field. I had a boss that was paying me a lower titles salary. I started as this boss's student and I had a lot of respect for him so I accepted it, but also I resented it, Eventually he paid me correct salary, but I never forgot this, and ended up quitting. ( I only quit because I was afraid I would get fired, but found out this would never have happened, was only something i imagined). I allowed him to take advantage of me financially. I am guessing it's because deep down I have a low sense of self worth so yes, this does seem to be a pattern.
i am angry, but I guess fearful as well. I don't know if it's abandonment, he already abandoned us and it's not the end of my world. Maybe I'm afraid of change. I really dread giving up time with children. It is a heart sickening black colored fear and rage, because it's not fair.
With some ideas, I accepted husbands way of thinking, but with certain topics I was not good at compromising with my husband and I was oblivious to his needs. By the time I figured it out and started to make changes it seemed to be too late. I feel bad about this. We were so young when we met and my views of life and the world were immature. I am now less critical and more open minded to other opinions and ideas.
And yes, you are spot on. My parents are very generous and we were not abused in any way, but we were subjected to tons of critisism and judgement. My husband actually was shocked when he would observe how negative my parents were, and how they were all doom and gloom. ( he was and still is constantly praised for everything) My mother critiques everything and everyone and she has a lot of fears.
Thank you vanilla
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
