PP's WAW Adventure Continues - (8)

[PigPen]

Another successful dog swap with STXW. I had every intention of making this a quick visit, but found a mutual friend with my STX that led us to spend some time together. After walking me and Woofie to my car, STXW and I ended up talking for about an hour and a half before we realized what happened and she was going to be late to an appointment.

As usual with our meetings, it was a great interaction. She filled me in on both how great and how tough her life was, as well as let me know a number of the ways that she was disappointed in our M. Many of them I could relate to and understood from her perspective, I validated "that must have been extremely hard for you" and others from Wonka's thread, and truly felt for her. As someone who was completely overwhelmed by work, addiction, and financial challenges throughout our M, I was certainly not the man I am today. It kills me to know that was her experience of being with me.

If anyone hasn't read Wonka's thread on validation, please do. I know for certain I would have argued with my W that her experience wasn't really what happened without it and the lessons I've learned here on this board.

STBX asked me a few questions about our time together and I spoke honestly about my own challenges, and fears when we were M, as well as some of the painful aspects but tried to return the question to her. I did speak about my new experiences with sobriety, and the men's groups and how differently I feel now. It wasn't a "look, I've become the man you've always wanted", but I'm not censoring my own growth either. PP 2.0 exists.

Interestingly enough she told me of two other couples that we know that are now separated and informed that she thinks they just need a year or so apart before they'll get back together. Even more interestingly enough, one of them is the couple that housed her for the two months after BD.

None of them are in the divorce process, just legal separations. I didn't ask why we didn't give the longer separation a try, I didn't want to spring "us" on her after she told me about them although the irony wasn't lost.

As I've said a few times, I unfortunately fell back in love with my W after this meeting and have no idea why we're not together. We hugged, laughed, she told me again that it looks like the physical training I'm doing is paying off, and even kissed me on the lips goodbye. I certainly was not wearing my DB black belt Wonka, and I don't know if this was all a ploy to make me think that we'll be friends once the D is through. It just felt like genuine connection with someone I still believe I have a connection with. That may earn me a 2x4, but I'll take it.

Lastly she told me she would respect my decision for us to keep distant and I told her that if she wanted or needed something from me to ask and if I couldn't or wasn't comfortable giving it to her, I would be honest. Seemed like a strong statement and again, nothing I could have uttered without being on this board for 5 months.

She TM'ed me a "thank you for listening, I appreciate it" message when I got home. Now I've got my dog for the next two weeks, and will enjoy the chit out of him and feed him nothing but the most expensive meats so he refuses to eat when she gets him back.

Thanks for reading, I hope everyone that does has a peaceful weekend.

PP