Still riding the waves

[mleigh4]

Hello and happy Saturday. Not much to update, it has been VERY quiet...

Last Sunday, H had taken S and dog. I was going to pick up dog that night...but by evening I just had NO desire to even contact H or to go near his place. I decided dog was fine and if anything, I would just get her the following evening when I dropped off S with him.

That next morning I was at work, H TM me that he was dropping off dog at house. Was nice to see him handle it on his own. She has been staying inside since the whole mountain lion issue, so I was a little uncomfortable knowing H was in the house alone but hoped for the best. I hid the liquid plumber so I knew that was safe!!!

That day I emailed FIL that I needed to return his lake house key. He asked why, had hoped I would still use it. So I was honest, told him that I truly appreciated that he left that option open to me, but that there were too many memories there, the last not being very good, and that I did not see myself going there anytime soon. (I have even asked S about going to lake house several times and he doesn't like going either) He said he understood. Snip, another tie cut.

That night I drove S to H and promised myself to not even look around his place, to just stay tunnel vision and get away quickly. I gave H the lake house key. Got S and his things out, ready to go and H walks around to my side of my truck, I got the feeling he was going to say something to me. All of a sudden a bunch of geese go flying over, really loud. We watched and laughed, I kissed S good bye, closed my truck door and left.

No contact with H since then. I feel like I am finally facing the acceptance that he is never coming back, and I am living my life that way. Our friends are using some space in the garage for storage while new house is being built, (friends are H and W, and H was a good friend of H who got dropped in this mess. Still, I was surprised they asked to store stuff here instead of in H massive barn, made me feel good) S was sent home with a notice that he may have been exposed to strep throat, (I left notice in folder for H to see) his teacher sent home some homework answer keys on H night with S in his homework folder....all things this week that I would normally reach out and touch base with H about. Funny thing is, I have no desire or need to. I have learned this is MY space now and how to coordinate with S and teacher without H in the mix. I truly feel on my own.

Know what? I don't feel scared about that anymore! I find myself feeling strong, with high PMA. I feel the possibilities ahead of me are endless. My good friends just moved into town, one of my best friends now lives down the street instead of 30 miles away, so I am excited about that.

Life is good, I am blessed with a beautiful home, a job I enjoy, good friends and an amazing son. Sadly, H is not a part of my life, I feel I have reached a phase where I only see H as a coparent now, with minimal contact only, and I am ok with that.

Getting house ready for new carpet on Thursday! Otherwise, having a nice, quiet mellow weekend with S